Beautiful Disaster

remind me.

2011-11-26T22:43:00.000-06:00

in January, my Sunday School teacher challenged me to pick one word for the year 2011. this one word would describe my year and what I wanted God to teach me. I would look for this word in each joy, trial, and every day moment.
I chose the word...

enough

My purpose in choosing this word was to find that God is enough. In every area of my life I wanted to truly believe and live out that truth. God has used that word so many times this year to show me that He truly is enough. He showed me through a season of singleness. through a job. through friendships. through college. through a boy named tyler. through every day things.

I am so thankful for the ways that God has proved to me that He is enough for me.

Tonight, my word for the year took on a new meaning. It was no longer just a lesson on God being more than enough for all of me but a lesson in humility as I remembered the fact that I will never be enough for Him. God is holy and righteous and perfect and I am so far from that yet HE LOVES ME.

On my way back to Conway tonight I was searching for a radio station and heard this song http://youtu.be/QSIVjjY8Ou8 called Remind Me by Jason Gray. I absolutely love that God uses music to show me His heart.

REMIND ME WHO I AM Lyrics
Jason Gray

When I lose my way
When I forget my name
Remind me who I am
In the mirror all I see
is who I don’t wanna be
Remind me who I am

In the loneliest places
When I can’t remember what grace is

Tell me once again who I am to You
Who I am to You
Tell me
Lest I forget who I am to You
I belong to You
To You

When my heart is like a stone
and I’m running far from home
Remind me who I am
When I can’t receive Your love
Afraid I’ll never be enough
Remind me who I am

If I’m Your beloved
Can You help me believe it

Tell me once again who I am to You
Who I am to You
Tell me
Lest I forget who I am to You
I belong to You
To You

I’m the one You love
I’m the one You love
That will be enough
I’m the one You love

Tell me once again who I am to You
Who I am to You
Tell me
Lest I forget who I am to You
That I belong to You
Whoa
Tell me once again who I am to You
Who I am to You
Tell me
Lest I forget who I am to You
That I belong to You
To You
To You

where sin runs deep

2011-08-29T11:40:00.000-05:00

confession: I am a sinner. I am in desperate need of God's grace and mercy.

I often look at the lives of other people and look for their sins. I guess I do this to make myself "feel better". I tend to forget that all sin is equal. Lately I have begun to realize how un-perfect I am and I am learning how much I need God's grace and mercy. Because I habitually categorize sin I usually think that other people need God's grace more than me. I am learning that I am extremely needy of the grace that HE gives maybe even more so than those I judge as sinners.

This morning I read this in my quiet time:

The reason I can still find hope is that I keep this one thing in mind: the Lord's mercy. - Lamentations 3:21-22 ♥

Then on my way to school I listened to my Passion CD and "Lord, I need You" by Chris Tomlin began to play. It is my favorite song on the CD and I often play it on repeat. This morning God used it to remind me that I cannot live a life of holiness without Him. I have been trying to do this on my own and it is. not. working. at. all. I need Him EVERY hour. all. day. long. I am so thankful that He is always there.

Lord I come, I confess
Bowing here I find my rest
Without You I fall apart
You're the one that guides my heart
Lord, I need You, oh I need You
Every hour I need You
My one defense, my righteousness
Oh God, how I need You
Where sin runs deep, Your grace is more
Where grace is found is where You are
And where You are Lord I am free
Holiness is Christ in me
Yes where You are Lord I am free
Holiness is Christ in me
So teach my song to rise to You
When temptation comes my way
And when I cannot stand I'll fall on You
Jesus You're my hope and stay
And when I cannot stand I'll fall on You
Jesus You're my hope and stay

He who is in me is greater than I will ever be.

2011-08-07T20:34:00.000-05:00

this morning I accepted the position of Children's Minister at First Baptist Church Wooster. for the past few days I have been so nervous and just feeling very inadequate for this position. I kept praying and telling God that I am not prepared for this. I am too young, too inexperienced. I am not good enough to lead a children's ministry. I am not cut out for this.

When I woke up this morning I prayed for God to give me strength and peace. I asked others to pray for me and they did. And then God began to work. As I got ready for church a song came on my Pandora that says, "In my life be lifted high. In our love be lifted high. In this church be lifted high." God reminded me that this job and this life is not at all about me. Our sole purpose is to lift Him high.

I was running late for church and I got in the car as Shawn McDonald's song "I Will Rise" came on the radio. I love that song, so I cranked up the radio and sang as loud as I could. In the middle of the song it says, "Cause He who is in me is greater than I will be and I will rise." I am not good enough to be a children's minister. I never will be. But God is in me and He is greater and He is able.

The very first song we sang at church said, "Let's forget about ourselves and magnify His name and worship Christ the Lord." Once again God was saying Haley, this is not about you. It's about Me. Then we sang about how the joy of the Lord is our strength and how in Christ alone our hope is found. On days like today, when I feel like I don't measure up and that I can't do it I have to remember that my strength and my hope come from my Savior. At the end of "In Christ Alone" it says, "from life's first cry to final breath, Jesus commands my destiny" I love that Christ has my whole life in His hands. It is such a comfort to know that He is in control. This morning I told someone that I had no clue what I was doing and he said well just remember even when you don't know what you are doing, God always knows what He is doing with you.

The journal I use has Scriptures on the bottom of the pages. As I took notes this morning I glanced down and saw these two verses. I am so thankful that God continually meets me where I'm at.

My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. - Psalm 73:26
Trust in Him at all times, O people; pour out your hearts to Him, for God is our refuge. - Psalm 62:8

Tonight I got to attend my home church and we had a guest speaker. He talked about the church God blesses. He talked about how we are all called to ministry as Christians and that we have got to stop being lazy and thinking that attending church is enough. It's time that we start obeying the Word of God and actually be the Church to the world around us. His final point was that God blesses the church that is humble. We read about the church at Philadelphia in Revelation and they didn't have a lot to bring to the table. They were honest with God about that and He blessed them. We have to get to the point where we can say God, this isn't going to happen unless You make it happen. This summer I have tried to do ministry on my own more often than not. I didn't seek God nearly as much as I should have and honestly, I just let it be a lot about me. But God used today to humble me and I found myself at an altar tonight surrendering all of this to God. I don't want to do this on my own any more. I need God to do it all and I am trusting that He will!

background.

2011-07-29T09:57:00.000-05:00

this summer God has taught me a lot about ministry and humility. Last week at our VBS closing several people went and told my parents that they should be so proud of me. Sunday the pastor announced that the church would be voting on keeping me on staff through the school year. There were "amens" all around and several people came and told me how excited they were. I got full of myself and began to think about how good I had done this summer instead of giving credit where it's due. to Christ alone.

Wednesday night I prayed this: "Jesus, let these kids love you more than GaGa Ball (their favorite game)". I have no doubt that my kids have had fun this summer but I am so convicted that I have been putting more emphasis on games than the Gospel. Last night a little boy said, "Miss Haley, I'll miss you when you're gone. You're fun and let us play GaGa Ball and all the other adults make us sit still." My heart sank and I can't get those words out my head. I want my kids to have fun. I want them to enjoy church. But I want them to do those things because they are encountering God Almighty, not a children's minister who has just let them play their favorite game.

I've gotten in the way of what God wants to do this summer. I've let it be about me and about fun, instead of about Him. I've had this song on repeat all week.

God, forgive me for letting games be more important than the Gospel. Take me out of the picture and make it all about YOU! Teach me to play the background. Amen.

Background - Lecrae

I could play the background
I could play the background
Cause I know sometimes I get in the way
So won't You take the lead, lead, lead?
So won't You take the lead, lead, lead?
And I could play the background, background
And you could take the lead

[Verse 1:]
It's evident you run the show, so let me back down
You take the leading role, and I'll play the background
I know I miss my cues, know I forget my lines
I'm sticking to your script, and I'm reading all your signs
I don't need my name in lights, I don't need a starring role
Why gain the whole wide world, If I'm just going lose my soul
And my ways ain't purified, don't live according to Your Word
I can't endure this life without Your wisdom being heard
So word to every dance, a foe, a pop star
'Cause we all play the background, but mine's a rockstar
Yeah, so if you need me I'll be stage right
Praying the whole world will start embracing stage fright
So let me fall back, stop giving my suggestions
'Cause when I follow my obsessions, I end up confessing
That I'm not that impressive, matter of fact
I'm who I are, a trail of stardust leading to the superstar

[Chorus:]
I could play the background
I could play the background
Cause I know sometimes I get in the way
So won't You take the lead, lead, lead?
So won't You take the lead, lead, lead?
And I could play the background, background
And you could take the lead

[Verse 2:]
I had a dream that I was captain of my soul
I was master of my fate, lost control. and then I sank
So I don't want to take the lead, 'cause I'm prone to make mistakes
All the folks who follow me, going end up in the wrong place
So let me just shadow you, let me trace your lines
Matter of fact, just take my pen, here, you create my rhymes
'Cause if I do this by myself, I'm scared that I'll succeed
And no longer trust in you, 'cause I only trust in me
And see, that's how you end up headed to destruction
Paving a road to nowhere, pour your life out for nothing
You pulled my card, I'm bluffing, You know what's in my hand
Me, I'm just going to trust you, You cause the dice to land
I'm in control of nothing, follow you at any cost
Some call it sovereign will, all I know is you the boss
Man, I'm so at ease, I'm so content
I'll play the background, like it's an instrument

[Chorus:]
I could play the background
I could play the background
Cause I know sometimes I get in the way
So won't You take the lead, lead, lead?
So won't You take the lead, lead, lead?
And I could play the background, background
And you could take the lead

blessed?

2011-07-19T21:08:00.000-05:00

last weekend a friend introduced me to The Trachead Family's Praise Invasion. It is good stuff! Check it out here: http://www.trachead.com/

But in a few of the songs they talk about God blessing us or asking God to bless us with riches and cars and nice clothes and expensive things. It bothered me but I couldn't figure out why and tonight it hit me. How does God bless us? I think as Americans we often see blessings as material things or comfortable situations. But I am learning more and more that God never called us to be comfortable. In Matthew 5 we find the beatitudes.

God blesses those who are poor and realize their need for him, for the Kingdom of Heaven is theirs. God blesses those who mourn for they will be comforted. God blesses those who are humble, for they will inherit the whole earth. God blesses those who hunger and thirst for righteousness and justice, for they will be satisfied. God blesses those who are merciful, for they will be shown mercy. God blesses those whose hearts are pure, for they will see God. God blesses those who work for peace, for they will be called children of God. God blesses those who are persecuted for doing right, for the Kingdom of Heaven is theirs.

Obviously, God's blessings are different than what we often think they are. We often believe that following Christ will led us to the perfect relationship, the greatest friendships, the most amazing family life, that we will live in luxury and make the rest of the world wish they were "blessed" like us. And God could chose to bless us that way. But I think we are missing out on the biggest blessing when we expect these things.

God blesses us with the Kingdom of Heaven, with comfort, with the whole earth, with ultimate satisfaction, with mercy undeserved, with HIMSELF, and with the ability to be His children.

These blessings are so much greater than worldly things. I so often forget that. So next time we ask God for blessings, let's remember the true blessing and long for more of Jesus!

you are where you are for a reason.

2011-07-19T13:52:00.000-05:00

Last week I got a phone call from a friend asking me to come be a camp counselor for Youth Only Week at Siloam. My first instinct was to say YESSSSS!!!!!! Because I LOVE me some youth camp! This is the first summer in seven years that I have not spent a week at Youth Camp and it makes my heart sad. Don’t get me wrong I love working as a Children’s Minister this summer; I just miss youth more than I thought I would.

For the past two years, I worked with the youth group at my church every Wednesday night. I did some Girl’s Ministry and helped with special events. Teenagers just have a special place in my heart. Last week I got to go to the nightly service for youth camp at Cold Springs and I LOVED watching students respond to what Jesus was doing in their lives.

I SO wanted to be at Siloam this week but I am teaching the Kindergarten class at Vacation Bible School this week. I have been praying for God to let me heart be fully at VBS this week and I questioned why He wouldn’t let me be a Youth Camp this week. It just wasn’t fair. Why can’t I be in two places at once??

Then this morning I was reading the teacher devotion for VBS. This is what it says…

As you show love to children this week, you are showing love to Jesus. You are not just filling a spot. You were chosen – first by God and then by your VBS director. Cherish these precious moments. They are opportunities for you to worship Him.

God CHOSE me to be where I am for a reason. He WANTED me at VBS this week. I need to trust that His ways are best. I need to make the most of this week and love on kids so that I can love on Jesus. I need to stop wishing I was a Siloam and start thanking God for the opportunity He has given me to make much of Him.

plans.

2011-07-15T13:03:00.000-05:00

You can make many plans,
but the Lord’s purpose will prevail.- Proverbs 19:21 NLT

this verse has been coming alive in my life so much this summer.

about a month ago, I spent the week at Camp Siloam as a children's minister. 6 years ago I spent a week at Camp Siloam as a student. I remember sitting on the rec field with my friend as we talked about how we thought maybe God was calling us to be youth or children's ministers or calling us to be wives of youth/children's ministers. I'm not sure how much of that was "God's plan" or our own dreams. During the next 4 years my plans changed. I dreamed of going to cosmetology school. I searched the best schools in my area and got information from them but after praying about it I didn't have peace. So I ended up at UCA, where I am now, pursuing a career in teaching, which I am excited about! My current plan is to be a teacher for elementary children in 2 years when I graduate but I am beginning to wonder if God's plan is the same.

last summer I had the best job! i spent 4 weeks at church camp, worked 2 weeks of Vacation Bible School, and got to spend a week on a Mission Trip in Wichita, KS. I worked with some of the most amazing people I've ever met. I'm so thankful for last summer. a year ago, I planned to do the same thing this summer. along the way, things changed, but my plan was still to work at a camp; after all, it is the best thing about summer! But God's plans were much different. In my search for a summer job at camps and homeless missions far away from home, God sent First Baptist Wooster my way. The church is about fifteen minutes from my house. They were looking for a Children's minister for the summer and I was interested but honestly, I wanted to get away and be at one of the other summer job options. But Wooster is the door God opened and allowed me to enter. After a month and a half of ministry there, I can say I am thankful that the Lord's purpose prevails.

about 3 years ago I sat with a family member as she asked about my plans for college. I told her where I was going and that I was majoring in Early Childhood Education. She told me that God had been preparing me to work with children since I was very young. She said she had always seen that in me and that she was so glad that I was doing what God created me to do. I do love children and I love Jesus and maybe what God created me to do can be done in both the classroom and the church.

I don't know what life after this summer will look like. I'm not dropping out of college or changing my major. I'm just trying to open my heart to what God wants and closing it to my dreams because His are FAR greater!

in this moment.

2011-06-27T19:47:00.000-05:00

I love to plan ahead. I always want to know what the next step is. But I am following a God who very often only reveals His plans to me moment by moment. I am reading a book, One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp right now that is teaching me to be thankful in the moment by moment revelation. The entire book seems to revolve around 1 Thessalonians 5:18

In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.

Just today I have read several quotes in the book that jumped out and convicted me in my ungratefulness.

"Every moment I live, I live bowed to something. And if I don't see God, I'll bow down before something else."
"You would be very ashamed if you knew what the experiences you call setbacks, upheavals, pointless disturbances, and tedious annoyances really are. You would realize that your complaints about them are nothing more nor less than blasphemies -- though that never occurs to you. Nothing happens to you except by the will of God, and yet [God's] beloved children curse it because they do not know it for what it is." - Caussade
"Feelings work faster than thoughts. The only way to fight a feeling is with a feeling."
"The Lord has to break us down at the strongest part of our self-life before He can have His own way of blessing with us." - McConkey
"But wells don't come without first begging to see the wells; wells don't come without first splitting open hard earth, cracking back the lids. There's no seeing God face-to-face without first the ripping."
"But the secret to joy is to keep seeking God where we doubt He is."

forget me not.

2011-06-15T15:42:00.000-05:00

I often feel forgettable and forgotten. I am not the most outgoing person and am often the quieter one in groups of people. So more often than not people forget who I am. Or sometimes I go awhile without hearing from or seeing friends (I realize it works both ways) and I feel forgotten. I struggle with this more than I want to admit. Moving around growing up didn't exactly help my feelings of being forgotten and forgettable.

Today I was reading One Thousand Gifts and the author wrote about this Scripture:

And the very hairs on your head are all numbered. So don't be afraid; you are more valuable to God than a whole flock of sparrows. - Luke 12:7

I kept reading and then did some other things but as I was walking through my neighborhood a few hours later the verse came back to mind and I began to dwell on. To let in really soak in.

The God that created the whole universe, the God who made every man, woman, boy and girl that lives today, that lived years ago, and that will live in years to come, the God who made everything in all creation...that God knows my name, He knows my heart, and He cares so much about me that He has even taken the time to count every hair on my head. That is so amazing to me. It is even more amazing that He has done the same thing for every person that ever has and ever will live.

God cares and does not forget about His beloved creation.

When He saw them.

2011-06-08T22:29:00.000-05:00

³⁵ Jesus went through all the towns and villages, teaching in their synagogues, proclaiming the good news of the kingdom and healing every disease and sickness. ³⁶ When he saw the crowds, he had compassion on them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd. ³⁷ Then he said to his disciples, “The harvest is plentiful but the workers are few. ³⁸ Ask the Lord of the harvest, therefore, to send out workers into his harvest field.” - Matthew 9

When Jesus saw lost people He saw the real condition of their heart. He had compassion for them. He knew that they needed a Savior and He gave them one.

When I see people who are lost and have lives filled with sin most of the time I don't have much compassion for them. It's usually more of an eye roll and thoughts of judgement. Just being honest.

But I want to see like Jesus. I want to look past the sin and differences and get to the heart of the matter: people need the Lord. I have Jesus in my life and I need to be willing to share Him with others who so desperately need Him instead of judging their sin that is equal to mine.

Father, make me more like Your Son!

seeing God for who He is.

2011-06-02T22:00:00.000-05:00

The Lord is a jealous God, filled with vengeance and rage. He takes revenge on all who oppose him and continues to rage against his enemies! The Lord is slow to get angry, but his power is great, and he never lets the guilty go unpunished. He displays his power in the whirlwind and the storm. The billowing clouds are the dust beneath his feet. At his command the oceans dry up, and the rivers disappear. The lush pastures of Bashan and Carmel fade, and the green forests of Lebanon wither. In his presence the mountains quake, and the hills melt away; the earth trembles, and its people are destroyed. Who can stand before his fierce anger? Who can survive burning fury? His rage blazes forth like fire, and the mountains crumble to dust in His presence. The Lord is good, a strong refuge when trouble comes. He is close to those who trust in him. But he will sweep away his enemies in an overwhelming flood. He will pursue his foes into the darkness of night. - Nahum 1:2-8

A few months ago I attended a Secret Church simulcast at my church. For the first time that I can ever remember in my 20 years of going to church I heard that God hates sinners. I have never been a regular attender of a "feel-good" kind of church. But even in the churches I have gone to and the way I have been taught and the way I have studied the Bible I have created my own version of God. The Bible says the I am created in the image God not the other way around. It is not up to me to determine who God is.

In the verses above we see a jealous, vengeful God then at the end we see that God is good and a comfort to his people. How can he be both? Because he is God. I have dumbed God down to fit into something that I can understand and into who I want him to be. I have made him into a sweet and innocent being that will forgive all my sins and love me just the way that I am. I have bought into a lie about who God is. A lie that is comfortable and that sounds good.

Since January, I have been reading through the Bible. I have never read all the way through. I started in Genesis and am going book by book. Throughout the Old Testament I have begun to see these characteristics of an angry God. A God who cannot stand sin. A God who brings severe punishment on his people when they disobey him. Before this year I had heard many of these stories but I had never made the connection that God hates my sin in the same way that he hated the sins of the people in the Old Testament. God takes sin very seriously and so should I.

I pray that I will stop creating my own version of God and that I will seek Him and worship Him for who He truly is.

identity and worth.

2011-05-23T21:28:00.000-05:00

In the last five days three of my friends have gotten engaged. In the months and weeks before that several other friends have done the same. This engagement thing is like a disease that we all want to catch. Today I was talking to one of my non-engaged friends and we were discussing all of these recent engagements of our friends and people we went to church with or to school with. We started joking about who would be next and she said it would be me. I told her there is no way I am next. Not because I don't want to be engaged or married one day but because there is no evidence that it will happen at anytime in the near future. She then said exactly what I had been feeling: I feel left out.

We are so happy for our friends and cannot wait to be at their weddings and celebrate this next phase of life with them. But honestly, we are wondering when it will be our turn. When will we get to change our facebook relationship status, when will we get to wear a pretty ring, when will we get to buy a beautiful wedding dress, and when will we find fulfillment & satisfaction in another person.

Hopefully there will be a day when our martial status changes, our left ring finger displays a pretty jewel, and we wear the most beautiful white dress. But we will never find complete fulfillment and satisfaction in another human. Only Jesus can fully satisfy.

I don't just want a wedding and a ring. I want someone to want me. I want to be loved. I want to be known. I want to be complete. But God is reminding me that a man will never be enough to give me all that I want. God didn't design it that way. God is enough for me.

He wants me.
Even before he made the world, God loved us and chose us in Christ to be made holy and without fault in his eyes. - Ephesians 1:4

He loves me.
God loved the world so much that he sent his one and only son that whoever believes in him will not die but will have everlasting life. - John 3:16

He knows me.
You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother's womb. -Psalm 139:13

He alone makes me complete.
For in Christ lives all the fullness of God in a human body. So you also are complete through your union with Christ, who is the head over every ruler and authority. - Colossians 2:9-10

God knew that many of my friends would get engaged this week. He knew that I would struggle with putting my identity and worth in any place but Him. He knew that I would fail to trust in His plan. So God, being who He is, gave some excellent messages to some pastors that I could listen to online. (Being a pastor's kid myself, I never thought I would actually enjoy listening to sermons, I've heard what seems to be enough to last a lifetime.) Elevation Church is doing a series called Mr. & Mrs. Betterhalf. Northpoint Community Church is doing a series called The New Rules for Love, Sex, and Dating. The City Church is doing a series called We are Family. God knew that I would need to hear these words from Him this week. He knew all along.

And just like He knew about the engagements of my friends and my needs for His truths as revealed in those sermons. He also knows the rest of my story. He knows the ending that I cannot see or even imagine. He is working it all out for His glory and my good. Romans 8:28 He has got this all under control. I just have to learn to trust that He knows what He is doing and that His timing is way better than my own!

boundaries, limits, and the Bible.

2011-05-13T21:46:00.000-05:00

Last night I was walk/jogging in my neighborhood. The walking was nice but the jogging was really difficult. I don't participate in much physical activity. Basically, I'm lazy but I am trying to change that as I read Made to Crave: Satisfying Your Deepest Desire With God, Not Food.
Anyway, as I was pushing myself to jog and praying for strength, my ipod shuffled to No Boundaries from Kris Allen's season of American Idol. In my mind and my physical strength I wanted to quickly give up on this jogging thing but God sent me a song to remind me that in my weakness, He is strong.

Tonight, I was walk/jogging again and I thought about that song. No Boundaries. That means without limits. I often limit myself according to my own abilities. I have convinced myself that I will never be a skinny person or an athletic person or a runner. I can't do it. And maybe that is true. But my God does not have limits to His power. According to Acts 1:8 - "But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes upon you..." He has given me that same limitless power. In my own strength I could not finish my walk/jog or a healthy lifestyle journey but with God's limitless power and strength I can do all things (Philippians 4:13).

I not only limit my abilities in the athletic realm but in other areas of my life as well. I believe that I cannot do something and so I refuse to even try. I so often forget about the power living in me, the power of the Holy Spirit.

This summer I will be working as children's minister. I have not ever done a job like this before. I did not really ever intend or plan on doing this job but God often has very different, BETTER plans than my own. Even before this job has offically begun, there have been moments where I have believed that I will be a failure at this job and the truth is, if I attempt it on my own I will be. But there is hope, my God will not fail if I rely on Him for strength. He can work through the limits I have placed on my life and lead me into a journey with Him that has no boundaries. I am so looking forward to the way He works this summer.

I think God has used these moments to remind me how much I need Him and to show me just how powerful He is. May I walk in His strength and power, reminded that I can do nothing on my own, but all things through Him who gives me strength.

2 Corinthians 12:9 - Each time he said, "My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness."

Worthy of Worship.

2011-04-24T20:47:00.000-05:00

You are the strength, that keeps me walking.
You are the hope, that keeps me trusting.
You are the light to my soul.
You are my purpose...You're everything.

How can I stand here with You and not be moved by You?

These words come from a song by Lifehouse called Everything. God put them on my heart as I walked out of church this morning. Today is Resurrection Sunday. The day we celebrate Jesus who came to die on a cross, bearing the weight of all our sin. Who was dead for 3 days but rose again on that third day. JESUS IS ALIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

He conquered sin & death. This is reason to celebrate but as I sat in church this morning I didn't see much celebration.

I realize that worship looks different for different people. Some people shout, others clap, some dance, others raise their hands, some kneel, others fall face down before the King. Regardless of the method used, Jesus is worthy of worship. We sing a hymn that says those very words. "Worthy of worship, worthy of praise, worthy of honor, and glory. Worthy of all the glad songs we can sing. Worthy of all of the offerings we bring."

We stood as a congregation and sang songs about Jesus being ALIVE and about how we are alive all because of Him. "Because He lives I can face tomorrow, because He lives all fear is gone, because I know He holds the future, and life is worth the living just because He lives!" Many people stood in their pews like statues, and I will be the first to admit that I have done the same thing countless times. We seem to just go through the motions. Sing the song, pray the prayer, half listen to the sermon, go home, repeat next week. But that's not what our KING is worthy of. He is worthy of worship, not the half-hearted junk that we give him every Sunday. We were told we could be seated and everyone sat down. Tyler began to sing Glorious Day. As we sang the words,

Living He loved me, dying He saved me, buried He carried my sins far away, rising He justified freely forever, one day He's coming oh Glorious Day!

I could not stay seated in my seat! JESUS IS ALIVE!! He saved ME! That is HUGE!!! I stood up to worship my King and raised my hands in worship. I will be totally honest and say that I almost didn't because I was worried about what people would think. People don't raise their hands or just stand up in the middle of worship at my church but today I did. I am pretty sure I was alone in it but I needed to worship and give my Father the glory and honor that HE alone is due. It breaks my heart that we don't give Christ the worship He is so very worthy of. It also makes me wonder what these people will do in Heaven because I am pretty sure there won't be pews to sit in. Crossed arms and expressionless faces won't do! We will have a King to worship. I believe this life is practice for the next so I am going to worship my Jesus now!

After church was over this morning a lady hugged me and thanked me for being bold. I don't think I am anywhere close to being bold. I have so much work to do. I need to speak out about the Gospel so much more. But I have always heard that if we don't take a stand in the church we will never take a stand in the world. After church tonight a man pulled me aside and told me to never be ashamed to stand up and raise my hands and worship in freedom. He said it meant so much to so many people and that it shows what is going on inside of me.

It is far easier for me to stand and raise my hands and get excited when everyone else is doing it. I love being in worship services where people are worshiping with reckless abandon. But I think God was using today to remind me that there will times when I will have to stand alone but that doesn't matter because HE IS WORTHY! and He is always with me!

I am praying for the Church to not be afraid of what others think and to just worship Jesus for who He is. Let us not hold back from giving Him our all! Matt Maher sings a song called Christ is Risen that has been in my head all day.

1 Timothy 2:8 - In every place of worship, I want men to pray with holy hands lifted up to God, free from anger and controversy.

Galatians 2:20-21 - My old self has been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. So I live in this earthly body by trusting in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself up for me. I do not treat the grace of God as meaningless. For is keeping the law could make us right with God then there was no need for Christ to die.

Jesus in your pocket.

2011-04-14T20:47:00.000-05:00

I have spent the past 6 days at Pickles Gap Baptist Church. Last weekend I led a junior girl's small group for their Disciple Now Weekend and this week I have attended their revival services. God showed up and reminded us that He can do significant things in insignificant places. I am so convicted and refreshed after this week. Doug Compton did an excellent job of preaching the Gospel. He got in our business and didn't sugar coat anything. I was so challenged to do hard things. I want to share things that God taught me this week so that they may be used in someone else's life.

Night 1

We carry Jesus around in our pocket and only pull Him out when we need Him.
Would there be enough evidence to convict you as a Christian at your school or home or workplace?
Jesus is not the man upstairs or someone you can carry around in your pocket. He is the King of Kings & Lord of Lords!
John 21
When God tells you do something, He will give you the power and strength to do it!
It doesn't matter what everyone else does! Don't worry about anyone except Christ!
Revelation 1:17 - When I saw Him, I fell at His feet as if I were dead.
Quit treating Christ like He's not on the throne.
You don't have a sin problem. You have an honor problem.
Psalm 110 - The Lord said to my Lord, "Sit in the place of honor at my right hand until I humble your enemies, making them a footstool under your feet." The Lord will extend your powerful kingdom from Jerusalem; you will rule over your enemies. When you go to war, your people will serve you willingly. You are arrayed in holy garments, and your strength will be renewed each day like the morning dew. The Lord has taken an oath and will not break his vow; "You are a priest forever in the order of Melchizedek." The Lord stands at your right hand to protect you. He will strike down many kings when his anger erupts. He will punish the nations and fill their lands with corpses; he will shatter heads over the whole earth. But he himself will be refreshed from brooks along the way. He will be victorious.
He will be victorious!
Satan HATES your guts!
Worship is an overflow of the heart.

waiting here for You.

2011-04-07T20:06:00.000-05:00

we come with expectation, waiting here for You

Sunday I had a conversation that has stuck with me all week. I can't get it out of my head. I was telling Amy about a Disciple Now I am getting to be a part of this weekend. I talked about how excited I was for all the BIG things God was going to do, about how I was preparing and praying and ready to bring my A-game. Then she said this...

What if we prayed and brought our A-game on any given Sunday? God wants to show up for us in every service in the same way He shows up for the BIG events, but we don't come with great expectation.

Honestly, I can't remember the last time I really prayed hard for a Sunday service or a Wednesday night. Sometimes I will say a little prayer on my way to church or as I am walking in the sanctuary but even that is quite rare. I definitely don't bring my A-game every time.

But for church camps, revivals, DNOWs, etc. I am praying weeks in advance. I am expecting God to move mountains. I come to the event knowing God is going to be there and that people will respond to Him. Why don't I do this on any given Sunday? Why am I not confident that God will move in a regular church service?

This has been on my heart all week, convicting me. Amy also said, things would be very different if we prayed and prepared for every church service/event we are a part of. I want to come with expectation, waiting here for You regardless of the event, venue, or number of attendees. Lord, help me.

second chance.

2011-04-04T13:22:00.000-05:00

today is my 2nd spiritual birthday! I wrote this note two years ago to share my story and I wanted to share it with you today:

April 4, 2009 changed my life forever. I had deceived everyone, my friends, my church, my family, even myself. My dad has been in the ministry my whole life and every time church was open I was there. When I was seven I prayed a prayer with my mom in my bedroom using the salvation bracelet and my dad baptized me at our church. I didn't really remember much of a change but I was young and hadn't really committed any "big" sins so I didn't let that bother me. At the age of 9 I had serious doubts as I read the Left Behind series. I hadn't really studied Revelations before that time and I was so terrified. There were months that I would cry myself to sleep saying the sinner's prayer over and over and over in my head. Finally, I went to my parents and they reminded me of my "decision" from when I was 7. Since they believed I was saved then I decided I should do. So the doubts disappeared for a while. A few years later at Springlake Summer Camp the pastor talked about doubts and mine revisited me. Since then I've struggled with doubts but not daily so I justified it by saying that all Christians have doubts and when I was 7 I had an experience. My doubts always seemed to come when I was trying to go to bed or during the invitation so I prayed the prayer countless times but I never really meant it, until now. I know that God has spoken to me and I have been a leader and a "good" Christian my whole life. I used all of that to force myself into believing that I was a real Christian. The hardest part for me was making my decision public. EVERYONE believed I was a Christian. What would their reaction be to find out that I wasn't? Last night at DNOW as soon as the speaker got on stage I couldn't breathe, my heart was racing, and I was shaking. I knew I needed peace. Friday night Pastor Dave said Knowing is not Believing and Delayed obedience is disobedience. When the invitation started last night I began to pray and I asked God to show me what to do. About that time my college leader, Casey, put her hand on my shoulder and I knew what I had to do. I went and prayed with Casey. I am so glad God sent her this weekend. I think that was what it took for me. I needed someone I didn't know so that I wouldn't let pride get in the way. I am so afraid of what other people think of me. When we sat down Casey said you know the story right? And she was right. I know the story better than most people I've heard it my whole life. I can quote scripture and I've learned how to live like Jesus. But I'd never given my whole heart to Him. Casey and I prayed and Jesus now lives in me. God gave me peace like a river in my soul, the doubts are gone and I don't have to wonder anymore. After the service I had the privilege of telling my friends they were shocked to say the least but I felt more loved in that moment than I have in a long time. When we got back to our host home I had the privilege of getting to pray with my best friend, Erin Larsen, and watch her come to Christ as well. We were able to talk to each other and understand because we both "believed" we were saved and we had lived our lives in that way. We were faithful to our church but we weren't yet Christians. I am so thankful that God allowed us to have the same spiritual birthday!! This morning at church we got to walk the aisle together =) along with our friend Kayla who is being obedient and getting baptized! Thank you Jesus for saving me and thank you for giving me the courage to let go of my pride and follow you. I am sorry for just going through the motions. But thank you thank you thank you for giving me a second chance. I love you Lord!!

God has been teaching me so much through the past two years! Every day I get to encounter Him! Life has not been super easy but I have not had to walk alone and it has all been so very worth it!! I love having a relationship with Him!

**If you read this and don't know Jesus personally I would love to talk to you! Send me an e-mail at haleybeth_09@yahoo.com

home is where the heart is.

2011-04-01T16:48:00.000-05:00

20 years. 2 states. 6 cities. 7 houses.

In my 20 years of life I have not had a constant home. I won't ever be able to say that is the house that built me. I won't be able to take my children to my childhood home. Even now, I can't "go home" for the weekend or during holidays. I have always lived in a house. 7 different houses to be exact. They eventually felt like home but then they became a house again and I had to readjust to a new house and make it feel like a home.

Growing up in different places has been a struggle. Readjustment does not come naturally for me. Sometimes I wish I could have just stayed in one city, in one house, with the same community my whole life. But I know if I did that life wouldn't be the way it is today. I wouldn't be the Haley I am today. God needed me to live in Alvarado, Owensville, Benton, Crossett, Cabot, and Conway. He had a purpose for me in each of those cities.

My locations and houses have varied over the last 20 years. But my home hasn't changed. I love the way Annie puts it

Jesus is my home. The one that will not change. The one that makes me the best [Haley]. The one that safely holds my heart.

My location will change and my houses will continue to be different as I grow older but my home will NEVER change. I am so thankful that Jesus is my constant. That will always be enough!

perspective.

2011-03-28T21:39:00.000-05:00

The name of the campus ministry I go to is perspective. It is so fitting because every time I go I feel like God puts things back into His perspective for me. I honestly can't remember the last time I went. It has been what seems like forever. Tonight I went and God did what He always does. He gave me His eyes for just one second.

For our worship set we sang Psalms. If I had to pick a favorite book of the Bible that would have to be it! I am reading through it right now in my quiet times. One of the songs we sang was based on Psalm 19:14

May the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart be pleasing to You, Oh Lord, my rock and my redeemer.

The "meditations of my heart" jumped out at me. Probably because I struggle with having selfishness in my heart. The things I meditate on are all about me. I wonder how to make people like me more. I dream of a future husband or a present boyfriend. I hope for life after college in the "real world". I think of what the summer will bring for me. God has much better things in mind for my heart to meditate on. Things like how to love Him more, how to serve and love His people, how to share the Gospel. I have some changing to do. I'm thankful that salvation isn't just a one time thing and then you're done but that I am getting to work it out. (Philippians 2:12)

Another song we sang was "How Great is Our God". I have sung that song so many times and to be honest I kind of hoped we would sing something different. But even though it was the millionth, billionth time for me to sing it God had something new to show me this time. I have a heart time trusting that God knows what He is doing and that His timing is perfect. That is why the meditations of my heart aren't so pleasing to him and focused so much on me and my happiness NOW. But as I sang this very familiar song the words and time is in Your hands. Beginning and the End. God not only has good timing, He holds all of it in his hands. the beginning, the end, and everything in between.

The lost song we sang was just a chorus of His love endures forever. We sang it over and over until that truth began to sink into my heart. God's love is perfect and unconditional and everlasting. It will always be enough.

I needed tonight. God knew it. He put me where I needed to be to hear His voice. I'm thankful that He doesn't give up on me. I needed the conviction and comfort from Him tonight.

My cup overflows.

He's still working on me.

2011-03-22T21:03:00.000-05:00

Sunday night my family went to Owensville for a ministry ordination service. The man being ordained was over 50. He felt God leading him to preach and he was obedient. That blows my mind. I feel like younger people are the only ones who go into ministry. It's not very often that you see someone older surrendering their life to preach the Gospel. I really admire this man for being obedient and not questioning God's timing. As we were sitting in the service this verse came to mind:

And I am certain that God, who began a good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns. - Philippians 1:6

I love that. Whether we are 5, 55, or 105, God still has plans and a purpose for us. He won't be finished until Jesus comes back. Our church started a series on Ecclesiastes Sunday morning called Don't Waste Your Life. I don't want to be sitting around thinking that I have done enough already, hoping that God will use someone else. I want to be mindful of the plans he has for my life to bring Him glory!

When I was little I used to sing a song that said...

He's still working on me to make me what I ought to be.
It took Him just a week to make the moon and stars,
The sun and the earth and Jupiter and Mars.
How loving and patient He must be, He's still working on me.

There really ought to be a sign upon the heart,
Don't judge her yet, there's an unfinished part.
But I'll be perfect just according to His plan
Fashioned by the Master's loving hands.

In the mirror of His Word reflections that I see
Make me wonder why He never gave up on me.
He loves me as I am and helps me when I pray
Remember He's the Potter, I'm the clay.

Thank you Jesus for using people of all ages to advance Your kingdom. Thank you for your patience and your purpose that you provide us. Thank you for not giving up on us!

alive and powerful.

2011-03-19T21:47:00.000-05:00

For the word of God is alive and powerful. It is sharper than the sharpest two-edged sword, cutting between soul and spirit, between joint and marrow. It exposes our innermost thoughts and desires. - Hebrews 4:12

Thursday was rough for me. It was just one of those blah kind of days where you go to bed feeling beat up by the Enemy. I felt really defeated. I have been trying to eat healthier and Thursday I threw that out the window. I didn't feel alive and spirited and free and happy. I felt lifeless and dull and just plain down. I went to bed praying for new mercies but not fully believing that God would provide those when I woke up.

Friday morning I opened my Bible to my reading for the day. It was in Psalm 30:1-3...

I will exalt you, Lord, for you RESCUED me. You refused to let my enemies triumph over me. O Lord my God, I cried to you for help, and you restored my HEALTH. You brought me up from the grave, O Lord. You kept me from falling into the pit of death.

How amazing is that? I was feeling defeated at night. In the morning I am told that my Father has rescued me; that he REFUSED to let my enemies triumph over me. I felt gross and unhealthy at night after making poor food choices. In the morning my God restored my health. I felt lifeless and dull at night. In the morning I am reminded that the Lord has brought me out of the grave and kept me from the pit of death.

I am so glad that the Bible is not just a good book. That it doesn't just tell stories of old. That it isn't just a book of laws and regulations for the religious to follow. It is THE LIVING AND ACTIVE WORD OF GOD and it applies to my life today just as much as it did to the lives of people 2,000 years ago.

Leaving 99.

2011-03-08T23:07:00.001-06:00

my church has gone through some changes recently. our youth minister resigned and we are in a period of transition. for the last year and a half I have been helping with youth on Wednesday nights and whenever else I was needed. I love being used in that ministry. Since our youth minister is gone I don't really feel needed anymore. We don't have small groups and so I feel like I'm just there but I don't belong.

Last week I was really considering just not going on Wednesday nights anymore. But I had to go last week so I could pick up a girl that comes sometimes. She is really sweet and I always pick her up when she wants to come. Sometimes she will bring a friend but other times it is just the two of us. She doesn't go to school with the kids in our youth group and she is kind of shy so I try to sit with her and make her feel welcome. I know what it's like to feel left out of the youth group and I don't want other people to have to experience that.

As I was taking her home, we had some really good conversations. We got to talk about the drama of high school and band and boys and friendships and Winter Jam. After I dropped her off I had a God moment. I felt like He was saying She needs you. She needs you to be her friend, to show her Jesus, to let her know she is valued, to give her a safe place. She matters to Me and she is why you need to be at Crosspoint on Wednesdays.

God reminded me of the parable of the lost sheep. The shepherd left 99 to find 1. EVERY person matters to the Father! I may not get to have as big of an influence as I once did. My role may not matter as much anymore and I may not be needed by the youth workers but I am needed by my Father to go after the one who matters to Him!

Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. - Galatians 6:9

I can be your hero, Baby.

2011-03-03T15:33:00.000-06:00

As a little girl I grew up watching Disney Princesses find their happy ever after which usually included a prince. Life was complete and full and perfect when the man entered the picture. A girl could go from scrubbing floors to wearing glass slippers. I was instilled with a hope that a man could fix us and transform us from ugly, imperfection to the prettiest most perfect princess. Yet this is a false hope. Jesus says he has come to give us that rich and satisfying life. (John 10:10) Not a prince charming, but JESUS.

As I grow older I watch romantic movies, listen to love songs, and read Nicholas Sparks books. My belief that a prince can save me is strengthened. I long for the day when he will come in on his white horse in his shining armor and we will ride off into the sunset of perfection. But this is another false hope that I have been clinging to according to Psalm 146:3 which says, “Don’t put your trust in princes, in mortal men, who CANNOT save you.”

I read a lot of blogs and books about being single and about marriage. God is continually teaching me that He is the lover of my soul, the only one who can fully satisfy me. I can search this whole earth looking for a prince that will save me and I will come up empty handed and utterly disappointed because such a man does not exist. I am so thankful that God is teaching me these things now while I am single.

A few years ago I thought I would be married by now or really close to it but God knew better. I am so glad He has kept me single so that I could learn more about Him and more about the purpose of marriage. I still have a lot to learn. But I know that a husband won’t complete me, only Jesus can do that. With my new knowledge I won’t try to put the pressure on another human to be perfect and to complete my life. I think my husband will thank me for that one day.

All I'll Ever Need

2011-03-01T19:56:00.000-06:00

Need.

I constantly find myself needing certain things.
I need peace.
I need motivation.
I need more time.
I need sleep.
I need more clothes (even though I already have two closets that are full.)
I need more money.
I need to have more friends.
I need to know God's plan for my future.
I need to lose weight.
I need to be smarter.
I need community.
I need to be more organized.
I need to be better.

While some of these are legitimate needs and are being worked on or being met. I don't really need them. I heard a song today that was such a beautiful reminder of all I will ever need and that is the blood of Jesus

Thank you Jesus for meeting my needs but even more so for being ALL I will ever need. Thank you for reminding me today!

All You'll Ever Need - Andrew Peterson
The blood of Jesus, it is like the widow’s oil: it’s enough to pay the price to set you free.
It can fill up every jar and every heart that ever beat.
When it’s all you have it’s all you’ll ever need.
The blood of Jesus, it is like the leper’s river running humble with a power you cannot see.
Seven times go under, let the water wash you clean.
Only go down to the Jordan and believe.
Only go down in the Jordan and believe.
And I need it, I need it.
The closer that I grow, the more I come to know how much I need it.
The blood of Jesus it is like Elijah’s fire, falling on the altar of your faith.
All the wisdom of the world could never conjure up a spark, but no power of Hell could ever quench this flame.
No power of Hell could ever touch this flame.
And I need it, I need it.
The closer that I grow, the more I come to know how much I need the blood of Jesus.
The blood of Jesus, it is like the widow’s oil: when it’s all you have it’s all you’ll ever need.
It is all you’ll ever need.

my anthem.

2011-02-27T14:58:00.000-06:00

I love Superchick! I don't think they have a song that I don't like. Their song Beauty from Pain is my very favorite. I love the message and the way God brought it into my life.

When I was in junior high my youth group went to Vertical Fest every fall in Pine Bluff. There were local bands that played in the afternoon and at night there would be more famous bands. Superchick was one of those bands. The summer before I started 9th grade I found out my family would possibly be moving soon. By the time Vertical Fest rolled around that year I knew we were moving. It was the first time I heard Beauty From Pain and I just sat there and cried. God knew that I needed the message of hope found in those lyrics. He knew I would need it in the months to come with the transition I had to make and He knew I would need it many more times in my life.

When I find myself believing that my circumstances are horrible and it's the end of the world, when I find myself losing hope, when I can't see any good at all, I think of this song. I realize that there will be beauty from my pain and that makes it worth it!

Beauty from Pain - Superchick

The lights go out all around me
One last candle to keep out the night
And then the darkness surrounds me
I know I'm alive but I feel like I've died
And all that's left is to accept that it's over
My dreams ran like sand through the fists that I made
I try to keep warm but I just grow colder
I feel like I'm slipping away

After all this has passed, I still will remain
After I've cried my last, there'll be beauty from pain
Though it won't be today, someday I'll hope again
And there'll be beauty from pain
You will bring beauty from my pain

My whole world is the pain inside me
The best I can do is just get through the day
When life before is only a memory
I'll wonder why God lets me walk through this place
And though I can't understand why this happened
I know that I will when I look back someday
And see how you've brought beauty from ashes
And made me as gold purified through these flames

After all this has passed, I still will remain
After I've cried my last, there'll be beauty from pain
Though it won't be today, someday I'll hope again
And there'll be beauty from pain
You will bring beauty from my pain

Here I am at the end of me (at the end of me)
Tryin' to hold to what I can't see (to what I can't see)
I forgot how to hope
This night's been so long
I cling to Your promise
There will be a dawn

After all this has passed, I still will remain
After I've cried my last, there'll be beauty from pain
Though it won't be today, someday I'll hope again
And there'll be beauty from pain
You will bring beauty from my pain

To all who mourn in Israel, he will give a crown of beauty for ashes, a joyous blessing instead of mourning, festive praise instead of despair. In their righteousness, they will be like great oaks that the LORD has planted for his own glory. - Isaiah 61:3

Single Servant.

2011-02-10T15:43:00.000-06:00

I just finished reading Sacred Singleness

I got this book for Christmas. Leslie Ludy wrote it and I read When God Writes Your Love Story, which she co-wrote with her husband. It was a great book so I figured this one would be as well. I have a lot of Christian relationship books. I love to read about purity, dating, singleness and all that good stuff.

In today's society marriage is the goal. You graduate high school, get a college degree, get married, have kids, and start your life. Not even a year ago this was my goal. My five-year plan. But God has plans of His own. I'm not giving up on marriage but I am sacrificing the desire for it to the One who knows my heart and has my very best interest in mind.

Sacred Singleness talks about living an abundant life fully sold out to God in every season of life, no matter how long it lasts. The whole book was challenging and encouraging. But the last chapter was so intense. The title is Getting Started Changing the World. I, like many others, often think I can't make a significant difference until I am older and married and living "the rest of my life". This chapter begs to differ. It gives so many practical ways to live out James 1:27- Pure and genuine religion in the sight of God the Father means caring for orphans and widows in their distress and refusing to let the world corrupt you.

The chapter walks through Matthew 25:35-40 as well which says,

For I was hungry, and you fed me. I was thirsty, and you gave me a drink. I was a stranger, and you invited me into your home. I was naked, and you gave me clothing. I was sick and you cared for me. I was in prison, and you visited me...I tell you the truth, when you did it to one of the least of these my brothers and sisters, you were doing it to Me!

I was overwhelmed by the needs and ways to help in this chapter. But I couldn't just read it and do nothing. So I started praying that God would provide opportunities. That I would be open to whatever way He would choose to use me. As I was praying/journaling these things I got a facebook message about a need for donations to a cancer society. God sent me that message. I didn't even have to think twice I knew it was from Him. He was providing a way for me to make a difference today. To care for the sick, and to ultimately care for Him.

I have a lot more praying to do and many more opportunities to seek. I have comfort zones to break free from. Challenges to overcome. But I have a Father to do it all with me and for that I am so thankful!

Live.

2011-02-03T16:17:00.000-06:00

I just finished watching The Lost Valentine. It's a Hallmark, love story movie. I loved it. So precious. this is a quote from the movie:

"I knew if he had the courage to risk dying, I had to have the courage to risk living."

I can't get that out of my head. It makes me think of Jesus. He had courage and took a risk for me. So I need to have the courage to live for Him. I love that God can use tear-jerker, love story movies to bring me closer to His heart. He really is in everything.

in this moment.

2011-02-02T21:48:00.000-06:00

1 Thessalonians 5:18 - In everything give thanks, for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.

Today. Right now. In this very moment. The will of God is being played out in our lives.

I think I've always known this but I haven't always let it really sink in. On really good days, in really fruitful seasons when everything is going "perfectly" it's easy to think about God's will being played out. Even on terrible, horrible, no good, very bad days I can be mindful that God has a plan in all of it. But what about the regular day. The season that isn't really bad but it isn't great either. The season that just is. I feel like I'm in that season right now.

I was thinking the other night about all the ways God's will has played out in the past. Through moves that I thought would be the end of the world that turned out to be not so bad after all. Through drama that I thought would ruin my reputation and the way God brought friendships out of that. God's leading in different areas of my life. Then I started thinking about His will for the future. I thought about this summer and where He is going to send me. I thought about life after college and beyond. I trusted that His will would play out because I've seen it happen before.

But what about this moment? God's will is happening as I type this. Even though this is a rather "blah" season God's will is still good, pleasing, and perfect. Even when I can't see it God's will is happening all around me. He has had it planned out since the beginning of time. He knows what will happen on my great days, on my bad days, and on every day in between. In this moment I am in the will of my Father and that's EXACTLY where I want to be.

Do we love what God loves?

2011-01-30T13:11:00.000-06:00

this morning on our way to church we had K-LOVE playing on the radio. They were talking about the most well known verse in the Bible: John 3:16

For God loved the world so much that He gave his one and only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life.

God loves the WHOLE world. Every part of it belongs to Him. He loves the people that sat in church this morning and the ones who didn't. He loves the poor, the rich, the needy, the broken, the beautiful. Everything.

What do we love? Who do we love? How do we show that love? Are we willing to sacrifice everything that is precious to us; possibly our lives?

In Sunday School we always take prayer requests. We usually ask for personal things or request prayer for people that we know which isn't a bad thing. But today someone asked for prayer for Egypt
They showed love like God does. Love for the world.
In big church we had a guest speaker. He is a church planter from Kansas. He talked about loving the world and giving all we have to Jesus. I'm thankful for this lesson today but I don't want it to just be something that I think is nice or pleasant or good. I want to act out what I learned. I want to love the world, all of it, not just my own little corner. I want to give Jesus all of me, even if it isn't much, because little is much when God is in it.

"this one's for YOU."

2011-01-24T21:56:00.000-06:00

"this is for you." - that's what I felt like God was saying to me tonight.

I didn't feel good earlier today and kind of debated about whether or not to go to campus ministry tonight. I ended up going and I am so glad I did. I got to see friends which was wonderful but the message was just for me. A student spoke tonight. Someone not much older than I am. He said that God will either tell you to Go or to Wait. He used the biblical example of Abram.

The Lord had said to Abram, "Leave your native country, your relatives, and your father's family, and go to the land that I will show you. - Genesis 12:1

Abram was told by God to Go. He didn't know where or for how long or what He would be doing. The Bible doesn't say that Abram heard from God then prayed about it for a few months. He dropped everything a left. Going in the direction God led. His obedience seems crazy to me. I don't understand how he just went but I admire it and want it in my own life. When God tells me to go I want to do exactly that. I don't want to be bound by fear or a five year plan or my own dreams or dreams other people may have for me. I would have been fine with just hearing this Go message because that's where my heart has been lately. I want to fulfill the Great Commission. I want to go to the ends of the Earth. But this wasn't the end of the message...

He also shared the story of Jeroboam in 1 Kings 12. Jeroboam had a great opportunity ahead of him but he had to Wait. During his waiting period God used him and shaped him into who he would need to be to become ruler. I don't like waiting. It often feels like waiting is wasting time. Why wait when I need to go? But maybe God needs me to stay for a while.

The speaker went on to share a personal story of a time when he could have gone but waited and God blessed him. His story was so similar to what I am facing this summer. I have lots of opportunities to Go but I also may have an opportunity to stay and Wait. I don't know what will happen or how God will choose to use me but I pray that I am joyfully obedient to whatever He commands.

Campus ministry was enough for my heart tonight. I was filled. But then I got a text from a friend who just sends encouragement a few times a week. I always love what she says but tonight was extra special to my heart. this is what she sent...

God always gives us what we need when we really need it. In this case it was a solid friendship from the Lord to King David when he needed one most. 1 Samuel 18:1 - "Jonathan committed himself to David and loved him as much as he loved himself." God isn't just doing this in the Old Testament, He's able to do it in your life right now so be transparent with Him and He will always provide for you in your time of need.

I once again felt like God was saying, "Haley, my daughter, this one's for you."
It blows my mind that the Creator of the universe took the time tonight to speak through people directly to me. He didn't have to do that but He loves me and knew it was what I needed. I am so thankful for His voice tonight and for people who are willing to let God speak through them.

former pharisee

2011-01-20T21:54:00.000-06:00

last weekend I was at a DNOW weekend in Hot Springs. The speaker mentioned the Pharisees and he used this verse to describe them...

Matthew 15:8 - These people honor Me with their lips, but their hearts are far from Me.

I immediately thought of people in my life that have done or are doing this. Several examples came to mind and my heart began to judge. But then God reminded me that this is my story. I am a former Pharisee. And sometimes I still revert back to my old ways.

You see, my story is that I went to church for 18 years and said all kinds of nice things. My lips were full of praise but my heart was not. I was a pastor's kid. I knew all about the Bible. I witnessed to friends. I tried to be a good example. I read my Bible. I prayed. I led worship. I taught Sunday School and Children's Church. I was on Student Leadership. People looked up to me. But it was all a lie. I knew all about God in my head but I didn't have a relationship with Him in my heart. All of that changed on April 4,2009 when I began my relationship with Jesus.

I was reminded this weekend just how amazing it is that Jesus gave His life for me and that He gave me a ridiculous amount of chances to love Him. I am so thankful for His grace.

Be careful what you pray for.

2011-01-13T16:52:00.000-06:00

I believe that Jesus cares about me. I believe that He wants to hear from me and that I can come to Him about anything. But I also believe that I need to be careful about what I pray for, let me explain...

in the Spring, I prayed for patience. My sweet cousin Loren recently posted a blog where she talked about courage. She said that God doesn't make us brave, but He gives us opportunities to be brave. I believe the same can be said for patience. While I was praying for patience, an opportunity came. I had a friend come to me and ask me how a situation was going and I told her I didn't really know, things were going slowly, and I was still waiting for things to play out.Then she asked me if I had been praying for patience. I was shocked. How did she know? She read my expression of surprise I'm sure and then said, "Here's your chance to be patient. Be careful what you pray for."

This summer my prayer was that God would give me people that were hard to love and that I would love them like He does. I don't really know why I prayed this. I guess I was looking for a challenge. I worked with five other college age students as a summer missionary this summer. I loved me job and the people I got to work with. Our last week of work was a mission trip to Wichita, Kansas. I was excited about this trip and about spending time with my friends...then my Dad (who was also my boss) told me that my younger sister Hannah would be going on the trip as well. She needed to go on a mission trip but I wanted this to be my trip, with my friends, to end my summer. Selfish, I know. I was mad. But then God reminded me of what I had asked Him for. I prayed for this to happen. Hannah is two years younger than I am and probably the hardest person for me to love. She just knows how to get under my skin. But God sent her with us and I'm glad He did. He showed me how to be patient with her and to love her like He does.

In the last few months, I have been praying that God would break my heart for what breaks His. I didn't really know what this would look like at first. I still don't really know. But He is answering. My heart is breaking and it hurts. I don't know why I thought it would be painless, it is a BROKEN heart after all. God is opening my eyes to things that I have been sheltered from or just ignored in the past. He is shattering my American Dream and showing me His dreams. There is so much more than just what I see in my own little world

You can ask for anything in my name, and I will do it, so that the Son can bring glory to the Father. Yes, ask for anything in my name, and I will do it!

- John 14:13-14

memories.

2011-01-12T14:50:00.000-06:00

I'm trying to read through the Bible this year but I decided to do it in 90 days...I'm already a couple days behind so it may take a little longer. I was kind of dreading the Old Testament but so far God has pointed out stuff that I missed before. So my eyes have been opened rather than closed from boredom as I feared. (How horrible to be bored by the Word of God) Anyways, last night I started in Deuteronomy. My Bible kind of recaps what each book is about and it said Deuteronomy is all about memories. I love memories! I have about 10 journals and three memory boxes. My room is full of pictures. So I got excited about reading this book. It reminds the Israelites of what God brought them through in Egypt. It paints a picture of His faithfulness.

But I said to you, 'Don't be shocked or afraid of them! The Lord your God is going ahead of you. He will fight for you, just as you saw Him do in Egypt. And you saw how the Lord your God cared for you all along the way as you traveled through the wilderness, just as a father cares for his child. Now He has brought you to this place.' But even after all he did, you refused to trust the Lord your God, who goes before you looking for the best places to camp, guiding you with a pillar of fire by night and a pillar of cloud by day. -Deuteronomy 2:29-33

When I look back on my life through memories or pages of my journals I see God's faithfulness. In seasons when I thought my life would be over and God came through. On my very worst days when God was there to carry me through. In the really good times that He allowed me to walk in. God has been all over my life. Why do I think the future will be any different? Why do I doubt His faithfulness when I have so many examples in my own life to look back on? I can relate to the Israelites but I wish I couldn't. There is a song that says, "He was faithful before, He'll be faithful again." It gets stuck in my head a lot...I think God puts it there.

Wherever God leads me, I shouldn't be surprised or afraid or nervous. He has already been there. He is going ahead of me and is fighting on my behalf. He has done it before and He will do it for the rest of my life. He has cared for me through all my seasons in the wilderness and He will continue to care in more joyful seasons.

"But even after all he did, you refused to trust the Lord your God"...that hits hard. Even after all He has done in my life. Even after I have seen so much blessing and joy from Him. I find myself not trusting Him. I think I have to handle things on my own or worry until I see results I want. I want to look back on His faithfulness and know that I look forward to His faithfulness as well. I want to trust not just because of the past but because He is God and that is enough.

content.

2011-01-07T21:53:00.000-06:00

Yesterday in Lifeway, I picked up a journal with purity on the front cover. It was pretty and so I started flipping through it. One of the pages contained this verse:

But godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it. But if we have food and clothing, we will be content with that. - 1 Timothy 6:6-8

I have heard this verse before I am sure but I have not been able to get it out of my head since I read it. I spent the whole day yesterday in a mall. There was so much stuff. Unnecessary stuff. Why do we feel the need to be such excessive consumers? We seem to always need the next best thing. The best technology. The best wardrobe. The best vehicle. The best thing our neighbor has.

The context I read this verse in was about singleness. I spend a lot of time planning the future in my head. Dreaming up the day my prince will come. Fantasizing about the American Dream. Even yesterday as I was shopping with friends we talked about how we needed to marry rich guys so we could have fancy houses and nice things and buy our kids too many clothes. We looked at engagement rings and talked about marriage. It was fun but why did we spend our whole day in this focus? Why do I spend so much time trying to gain things that I can't keep that I will eventually have to get rid of?

The only thing I can have forever is Jesus. Why am I not longing for more of Him?

I am convicted by this verse. I have plenty of food and clothing and I need to be content with that. Anything else is bonus. Even the food and clothing are. I don't deserve any of what I have. I am blessed beyond measure.

Thank you Jesus for Your Word. Thank you for revealing Yourself. Help me to be content. Please remind me that You always have been and always will be more than enough!

new directions.

2011-01-03T18:09:00.000-06:00

I have set down to blog quite a few times this past week. I wanted to recap 2010 so I could look back and remember but I either wrote too much or focused a lot on the negative. So I didn't post any of that. 2010 was a year of growth -- day by day. I have spent my whole life in church living from event to camp to retreat to worship service. All of those things brought me closer to Christ. But this past year for the first time my relationship with Jesus grew day by day. I am so thankful for that.

Summer is my favorite season. For the past 10 years I have spent at least one week of my summer at a church camp --Spring Lake, Beech Springs, Siloam Springs, Super Summer Arkansas, XFUGE, Cold Springs, Journey Camp. I love church camp. I have been on the camper and on the counselor end and both hold such a special place in my heart. Last summer as I worked for a month at Cold Springs I kept thinking that I didn't want to leave that I wanted to be a camp for the rest of my life. My plan was to work at Cold Springs again this summer. That plan kind of fell through because the same job I have had for the past two summers will not be available. My heart broke. I loved spending my summer at camp. But I realized there are other camps so I researched. I "accidently" found a camp that is about 700 miles away from home. It is a camp just for girls and it is Christian-based. When I first found it I was so excited and just wanted to sign up right then. I requested information and received a brochure and a DVD. I was even more excited. It's been a few months since I discovered this camp and my heart is not as excited. Part of me is afraid of sacrifices, afraid of what I will miss out on here, afraid of not being where God wants me to be. Part of me feels so called to go to the ends of the Earth, but I don't see how that is possible this summer. Today I looked up a place that hires summer missionaries in Texas. I have been to this ministry before and enjoyed and I know that God could use me there.

I have struggled with what to during summer 2011 a lot in the past few months. I felt like summer was the best time for ministry and the best time to make a difference. But here in the past few days, as I have spent time with Jesus and watched Passion sessions I am realizing that because of my emphasis on summer I am missing opportunities now. Summer is still 6 months away. I don't want to waste these next 6 months worrying about where God wants me come summer. I am trusting that He will send me to just the right place whether it is 7 miles away or 700. I will continue to pray about it and ask that if you read this, that you will pray for me too. I don't want to miss any more opportunities.

God is placing desires on my heart to change the world. These desires scare me. They are so different than what I am used to. I am learning that being a Christian is so much more than sitting in a pew on Sunday. It is so much more than just doing church. I don't know what the next steps look like for me. I don't know what tomorrow will bring. I don't know all of God's plan and that scares me. I want to know all the details and be able to plan ahead but I have to learn to trust that God knows and let that be enough. 2011 is a year full of opportunity and I don't want to miss out.

Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us. - Ephesians 3:20 NKJV

stuck & needy

2010-12-30T17:27:00.000-06:00

love this song!

let that be enough

I wish I had what I need
To be on my own
'Cause I feel so defeated
And I'm feeling alone

And it all seems so helpless
And I have no plans
I'm a plane in the sunset
With nowhere to land

And all I see
It could never make me happy And all my sand castles
Spend their time collapsing

Let me know that You hear me
Let me know Your touch
Let me know that You love me
Let that be enough

It's my birthday tomorrow
No one here could now
I was born this Thursday
22 years ago

And I feel stuck
Watching history repeating
Yeah, who am I?
Just a kid who knows he's needy

Let me know that You hear me
Let me know Your touch
Let me know that You love me
And let that be enough

Let us run...

2010-12-27T12:43:00.000-06:00

Hebrews 12:1 - Therefore, since we are surrounded by a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us.

I have never been a runner. Ever. In my entire life. I don't think I will ever be one. It's just not for me. But according to this verse I need to be running. Not halfheartedly. Not walking. Not jogging. But RUNNING with endurance. God has a race set up for me. It's long and may be way more difficult than I want. But I will never finish this race if I'm just walking. I will only get part of the work done, what God has for me won't be complete if I do not run with all that I have.

Before I can become an enduring runner I have to "strip off every weight that slows me down". Some of the weight comes from sin. Many times sin is very obvious but I other times I make myself blind to my sins. Either by ignoring conviction or comparing myself to other people and their "bigger" sins. But all sin is sin and it breaks the heart of God. Sin comes in so many forms and Satan knows how to tempt us with it. He studies our weaknesses and attacks us at our most vulnerable moments. He makes sin so appealing and without God's help and strength we so often fall into it. This verse says that it easily trips us up. It is not difficult for sin to enter our lives but it can be very difficult to get rid of it. We were born with a sinful nature so sin is what we fall in to. But we aren't without hope. God always provides a way out when we are tempted. It's not always a huge neon sign with flashing lights that says "EXIT temptation here" so we have to be alert and looking for the way out. But it is there every single time. I'm thankful for that and want to look for it way more often than I do now.

Sin isn't the only thing that slows us down, though. Sometimes good things hold us back from finishing the race. Maybe they take up too much of our time. Maybe they distract us. Maybe they hold us back from better things. Whatever it is, it holds us back and slows us down. It keeps us farther away from the finish line.

I don't know all the details of my race but I know I'm ready to start running with endurance. I have things that need to be stripped off and completely let go of. I'm tired of being slow. I'm tired of not giving my best.

Today I am a runner.

what did you get?

2010-12-25T13:30:00.000-06:00

Every year after Christmas someone will ask you "what did you get for Christmas?", it never fails. I usually hate this question. When I was little the question sounded more like, "what did Santa bring you?". Well, I didn't believe in Santa so he brought me nothing. Asking and answering this question brings jealousy for me as I hear all the great stuff others got that I missed out on. It makes me want to "elaborate" aka lie about what I got.

But on this Christmas afternoon I am reminded of the reason I celebrate Christmas. Jesus was born on this day. It is HIS birthday, not mine. It is the day we should be giving Him gifts. Why am I so concerned with what I received when I already have the best gift EVER in Jesus Himself. For Christmas, I got:

a Savior, the chance for life eternal, greater love than I could ever receive, mercy, grace, compassion, a best friend, a Father, a Healer, a Provider, peace, joy, purpose, a place to belong, redemption, deliverance, forgiveness, a second chance, and all that Jesus is.

Thank you God for sending your son to a manager to be the Savior of the World. Thank you for showing me what Christmas is really about. Thank you for loving me even though I am so unworthy. I love you!

Yesterday I came across the story of Bridger
You can click on his name to read the story. He is seven years old and has given up all his Christmas presents so he can help build a well in Africa with charity:water. When I was seven, I never would have done this. Even at 19, I am still too self-absorbed to even dream of giving up all my Christmas gifts. I am so amazed by this story. But even more I am convicted. Why do I ask for more stuff when I have way more than enough? Why am I not more like Bridger? Why am I not giving every thing I have?

Last Christmas I asked for a new camera and I got one. But when I opened it I realized I didn't really need a new camera. The one I had worked just fine and I didn't use it that much anyway. I returned the camera, hurting my parents feelings. I spent half the money on books for myself but I used the other have to give to World Vision. I debated for a while about whether or not I should save the money for later use, after all I am a "broke college student" but I finally decided to give the rest of the money away. I have not missed that money at all this year. I don't know who I helped or received that money. I don't know if it bought chickens, or school supplies, or went to help build a well. All I know is that I decided to be obedient and it was so worth it! I am so glad I did not keep that money for myself. It felt so good to know that I was making a difference, even if it was a very small one.

This year I am going to donate to Bridger's fund at charity:water and I am going to give to other places God leads me to. But I have been thinking about the years to come. I have been pondering the meaning of Christmas. If it is Jesus' birthday, He should be receiving gifts and not us. I don't get presents on my earthly father's birthday so why should I get them on my Heavenly Father's birthday. Christmas has become so twisted by our culture. I can't change the way everyone else celebrates Christmas but I can change the way I do and the way my future family will. I may be single til I'm 40, I don't know. But when I do have my own family we will be giving presents to Jesus. Whether it is through ministries like World Vision, or charities like charity:water, or feeding the homeless, or adopting/fostering orphans. I'm not exactly sure what His presents will look like, but I do know He will be receiving them.

But maybe I don't have to wait...
Maybe I should start changing the way I celebrate Jesus' birthday today.

Christmas worship.

2010-12-22T22:44:00.000-06:00

Sunday morning in Sunday School we studied Luke 2, the Christmas story.
I have heard and read this story more times than I can count but this time God showed me something new and different. Something about worship.

Luke 2:17 - After seeing him, the shepherds told everyone what had happened and what the angel had said about this child.

We can learn so much from these shepherds. When they heard about Jesus they went and told everyone. So many times we hear things about Jesus but we keep them to ourselves. I am so guilty of this. God will show me something awesome about Himself and instead of going and telling everyone I will keep it to myself or just tell one or two people. That is not enough. I need to be telling everyone about my Jesus.

Luke 2:18 - All who heard the shepherds' story were astonished

Astonished means surprised or greatly impressed. When is the last time you were greatly impressed by the story of Jesus. Even on Sunday as we read the Christmas story I kind of blew it off because I'd heard the story so many times. Why am I not blown away by who my Jesus is? by His story? by His life? by His love? Sometimes I am but those times seem far and few between. I want to be surprised and greatly impressed by Christ every day.

Luke 2:19- but Mary kept all these things in her heart and thought about them often.

I love memories and journaling and I feel like Mary did too. She treasured and pondered. I do not spend enough time doing this. I do it when it is convenient, when I have extra time. But sometimes I get busy and get lazy and don't treasure or ponder at all. My hope is that I will be more mindful of all that Jesus is doing in, through, and around me. When I see these things I want to treasure them and to dwell on them. Keeping what Jesus does close to our heart and thinking on it all must be pretty important since it made it into the Christmas story and Jesus' own mother took the time to do it. If Mary, the girl who got pregnant by the Holy Spirit, the woman who had just had a baby, who had taxes to pay with her fiance, who had a million other things to think about and take care of, took the time to ponder and treasure, I think I have enough time to do the same.

Luke 2:20 - The shepherds went back to their flocks, glorifying and praising God for all they had heard and seen.

How often do we leave a time of worship, a camp, a retreat, a church service, a campus ministry, glorifying and praising God for all He has just done? Maybe we talk about it in the parking lot or we discuss it over lunch or dinner. Maybe we talk about it for a week to the people that were with us for the event but we never tell anyone else. I can't remember how many times this has been true for me. The shepherds went back to where they came from glorifying and praising. So as we go back to our homes, our jobs, our schools, wherever it is we come from, let's glorify and praise the Father for what we have seen and heard.

Thank you God for sending Jesus. Thank you for shepherds and Mary. Thank you for teaching me new things about a familiar story. Thank you for Christmas!

goodbye.

2010-12-16T15:32:00.000-06:00

5 years ago I was doing this...

That is a really blurry picture but it is the only group shot I have. December 16, 2005 was my last day in Crossett. It was hard. I cried a lot. and then I cried some more. I was leaving my home. The place I had fallen in love with in just four short years. Some of my favorite memories and favorite people are from that place. They threw me a surprise going away party on my last night there. I could not have asked for a better way to say goodbye. I have a scrapbook from that night where my friends wrote letters to me. I will always cherish that.

I looked at my journal entry from that day, I was devastated about having to say goodbye, and I asked this question, "Where's the good in that anyway?". It took a long time for me to see that answer. But five years later as I remember that day and that goodbye. I can see all of the new hellos it brought me to. If I had not had to say that goodbye I would not have the friendships and experiences I have today.

Saying goodbye never has been, and never will be easy for me but I hope that I can remember that after goodbye new hellos come. Hellos that may change my life.

I still miss Crossett. I think I always will. It felt the most like home to me. But today I am thankful that God made me say goodbye. I can see the purpose He had in it and I can see the blessings it brought. I am so grateful for the four years I got to spend there and I am grateful that five years later I can return and see those same friends and act as if I never left.

Meet my friends Brooke and Brea. They planned that party. In a few weeks I will be reunited with them. No surprises will happen. But memories will be made, laughter will explode, and they will love me in a way that only they can. It's been five years, and I still cannot replace these precious friends. They mean more to me than they will ever know. Goodbye made me realize just how much I needed them and just how much they mean to me. I love you girls!

Romans 8:28 - He works all things together for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose.

Linda

2010-12-15T21:59:00.000-06:00

Let me preface this post by saying that just last night I prayed for God to provide godly women to mentor and disciple me in my walk with Him.

2 Ladies. 2 towns. 2 seasons. 2 churches. 1 name. 1 purpose.

Today I got a phone call from this sweet lady: Linda McDougald

Ten years ago this lady was praying for a pastor. My dad just so happened to be one. Moving to Crossett was a long process. One day we were moving and the next we weren't. It was confusing for my ten year old heart. Mrs. Linda prayed in her recliner for God to send the right man to First Baptist Church and God laid my dad on her heart. She obeyed and a few months later we were living in Crossett. I now hated, well maybe hate is too strong a word, but I strongly disliked this lady. She had prayed me out of a very comfortable place. I loved living in Benton. I had a great church. An awesome home school group. A fun bible study. the best gymnastics class and teachers. a great Upward Basketball team. and a life I LOVED. why on earth would this woman I didn't even know pray and make me leave all that? Little did I know she had prayed me into my new favorite place. a place I would miss so very much when I had to leave it four years later.

Shortly after moving to Crossett Mrs. Linda wrote me a letter and she said that she believed God brought me to Crossett for a purpose. I wasn't just there because my dad was the pastor. We didn't just move because of his job. Sure that was part of it, but God wanted me there just as much as he wanted my dad. Now, no one had ever told me anything like this. I had always been Larry White's daughter, the pastor's kid. I was always there because of him not because I had my own purpose. I remember writing a card back and telling her about my dislike for her prayers. I told her I really didn't want to be there but I would like to see God's purpose. She told me she believed that I was there to love on the girls my age and be a good example for them. I hope I fulfilled that purpose.

During the four years I lived there Mrs. Linda sent me cards and called to pray with me before school. She took me to visit lost kids or youth that had not been at church in awhile. She challenged me to live a life set apart. She prayed for me a lot. She continually encouraged me. She believed in me. She supported me. She LOVED me. and I learned to LOVE her. When I was in seventh grade she taught my Sunday School class. In eighth grade, our church was without a youth minister and so Mrs. Linda, a working woman at the age of 50, stepped up. Every Wednesday she brought the Gospel and every Wednesday youth flooded the altar with hearts crying out to the Savior. She lived what she taught us.

When we moved I was in ninth grade. It was the hardest move ever. I hated it. She reminded me that God had completed His purpose for me in Crossett and that the journey and purpose would continue in Cabot. She prayed for me. Send me cards of encouragement (my love language). She reminded me that I was not forgotten. When I was in 11th grade my church went on choir tour over Spring Break. We were shopping at a mall in Alabama and my phone rang, I answered it to hear the sweet familiar voice of Mrs. Linda. She just called to check on me. Last spring during finals week, I was stressed and cramming for a test one morning. My phone rang and it was Mrs. Linda calling to pray with me and lift me up. She always shows up at the perfect time even if I didn't think it was so perfect at first.

Today she called me to get my family's address so she could send us a Christmas card. She asked how school was and if I was still dating the same guy. She taught us to only date people we would marry. I am forever grateful for that lesson. She reminded me of my purpose and that God has an awesome plan. She encouraged me. She loved me. This year has been rough for me. I have struggled a lot with the lie that I am forgettable and forgotten. It is the way Satan gets to me most and best. Even today I was thinking that. God used Mrs. Linda once again to remind me that I am not forgotten but that I am remembered, loved, thought of often, and prayed for more than I know. I started crying after we hung up. I was so overwhelmed with love and with grace.

Then I started thinking of another Linda in my life, Linda Parks

The summer after my senior year of high school my family moved from Cabot to Conway. My dad had gotten a job as the associational missionary for Faulkner County. He was no longer pastor of a church. For the first time we had to go look for a church. We had always just gone wherever he pastored. We visited several places in Conway but none of them seemed to be the perfect fit. At the end of summer I helped with a lock-in at Crosspoint and we started visiting there. Crosspoint is in Greenbrier, about twenty minutes from our house in Conway. But it fit and it is where we have been going to church for the past year. I love it. It is exactly where God wants me in this season and I am thankful.

When we first started going there I didn't feel like I fit in the college and career class. It was mostly career aged people and all guys; all two of them. It was awkward and uncomfortable. I was 18 and a girl and in college. I didn't have much in common with them. So I went to the youth Sunday School class for the first few months. My friend Emily started coming so we decided to grow up and face the college and career class together.

Linda Parks, and her husband teach this class. They are in their late 60s/early 70s and they are precious. Every morning they get up and pray together. You know who they pray for? Me. every day. I am so grateful for them. Mrs. Linda welcomed me when I didn't feel like I fit. Every time I walk in the class she greets me with a smile and genuinely wants to know how my week has been. She doesn't just accept "fine" or "good". This woman wants honesty because she wants to pray specifically. She is a firm believer in the power of prayer. Every week she asks for prayer requests and every week she goes to God on our behalf. She cares. On Wednesdays she helps cook dinner for our church and then she serves it with a smile and a laugh. She is full of joy even on dark days. This fall she lost her step father to an illness. Even in that time she was pouring into others and loving with all she had. She opens her home to a bunch of 20-somethings. She cooks delicious food for us and lets us stay late so she can beat us at dominoes. She has a heart for people our age because she wasn't where she needed to be with Christ at our age and doesn't want us making the same mistakes. She is honest about her life and quick to tell us of God's faithfulness in every season. She loves K-Love and always shares songs to challenge our heart. She has a huge heart for the Gospel and desires to do something about sharing it. She challenges us and she practices what she preaches. I so look up to her. I am so grateful for her influence in my life.

These ladies are much older than I am. They are in their golden age. They could easily be sitting in a Sunday School class with people their age. They could be letting the young people serve instead. Yet they choose to reach out where God has called them. Mrs. Linda McDougald went to church camp with us in 9th grade. Mrs. Linda Parks worked at the same church camp. Mrs. Linda McDougald didn't have to lead our youth group when we needed a leader but she did. Mrs. Linda Parks doesn't have to teach Sunday School to students who come and go and aren't always alert or responsive but she does every week. Both of these ladies are amazing. They both came into my life at unwanted times. In seasons where I thought I would be better off elsewhere. But I am beyond thankful that they came when they did. I will never be able to thank them enough for their prayers, encouragement, and love. I looked up the name Linda and it means "pretty one". How fitting? These are two of the prettiest ladies I know. They have hearts that beat for Jesus and lives that live for Him alone. When I grow up I want to be a Linda. I want to be the Linda of my generation.

Thank you Jesus for the "pretty ones". Thank you for the love they give. Thank you for their obedience and prayer-filled lives. Thank you for letting them have such a great influence on my life. Thank you for bringing them at just the right time. Thank you for answering my prayer. Make me a Linda!

plain.

2010-12-10T17:21:00.000-06:00

Today I was struggling with singleness. "What's wrong with me?" "Will I ever be enough?" "Is this going to last forever?" all these thoughts went through my head. I prayed for truth to be revealed and as always God came through.

When I was ten I absolutely loved listening to ZoeGirl. Today I drove my sister's car and she had an old ZoeGirl cd in the cd holder. I popped it in and heard the familiar songs that I used to sing and dance to. Then the song Plain came on. Just as it ministered to my heart almost ten years ago, it was exactly what I needed today.

Thank you Jesus for music. Thank you for revealing truth to me. Thank you for reminding me that I am fearfully and wonderfully made in YOUR image.

Plain - ZoeGirl

He made you feel plain
When he forgot your name
Let me tell you something
I have felt the same

I know you're in pain
But be another boy along the way
And God he made you beautiful and
There's nothin' about you that's plain

You are jewel you're a treasure
You are one of a kind
And you shine just as bright
As the stars in the sky

You're a rare kind of wonder
Created just right
So keep your head up no matter the pain
There's nothing about you that's plain
No no no

You tell me, you're not the type
The kind of girl that they like
And your a little insecure about
How you look in their eyes

Well fashion will change
And trends come and go everyday
But God only made one of you and
There's nothin' about you that's plain

'Cause you are a jewel you're a treasure
You are one of a kind and
You shine just as bright as
The stars in the sky

You're a rare kind of wonder
Created just right
So keep your head up no matter the pain
There's nothin' about you that's plain
[ From: http://www.elyrics.net/read/z/zOEgirl-lyrics/plain-lyrics.html ]

See your mind, it is precious
Though your heart may be restless
And your eyes they will see
All that you're meant to be

'Cause your spirit is strong
And your soul carries on
You'll keep your head up no matter the pain
There's nothin' about you that's plain

You know I've had my days
When I feel out of place, yeah
I look at who I am, cover what I can
I wish it all would change but

Take the makeup away
You see the same girl still remains
She may not feel that beautiful
But there's nothin' about her that's plain

And you are jewel you're a treasure
You are one of a kind
And you shine just as bright
As the stars in the sky

You're a rare kind of wonder
Created just right so keep
Your head up no matter the pain
Keep your head up no matter the pain, ooh yeah
Keep your head up no matter the pain
There's nothin' about you that's plain

You may have felt plain but
God, he knows your name
Let me tell you something
There's nothin' about you that's plain

at just the right time.

2010-12-06T20:49:00.000-06:00

it's been said that "time heals all wounds"...I think there is some truth to that and I believe some wounds take longer to heal than others. I know that Jesus is the ultimate Healer. I know His timing is perfect but I also know His timing is much different than my own. To be honest, some days I am really not o.k. with that. I want life to be going my way now. But God keeps me waiting once again.
Yesterday in church, Bro. Danny talked about how Jesus came to this Earth at the perfect time. I'd never thought about this before. Jesus has always existed, He could have come down from heaven whenever He wanted to but He waited until that Christmas night to come. I don't know why He waited or why He came when He did but I believe it was the perfect time. If God has perfect timing in sending the Savior to the world, how much more will His timing be perfect in the little things in my life?
Today, the sweet girl who prayed with me when I began my relationship with Christ sent me a message of encouragement at the perfect time. She included this Scripture:

Romans 5:1-6

Therefore, since we have been made right in God's sight by faith, we have peace with God because of what Jesus Christ our Lord has done for us. Because of our faith, Christ has brought us into this place of undeserved privilege where we now stand, and we confidently and joyfully look forward to sharing God's glory. We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because He has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with His love. When we were utterly helpless, Christ came at just the right time and died for us sinners.

Tonight I am thankful for God's perfect timing even when I can't see what is next or when I don't feel like what is happening right now is anywhere close to perfect timing. I know no matter the time Christ is there and He is in control. I'm learning to rest in that.

may I never forget.

2010-12-03T17:09:00.000-06:00

Psalm 103:2-5

Let all that I am praise the Lord; may I never forget all the good things He does for me. He forgives ALL my sins and heals all my diseases.He redeems me from DEATH and crowns me with love & tender mercies. He fills my life with good things.

Matthew 7:7

2010-11-30T21:48:00.000-06:00

"Keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for.Keep on seeking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you."

I have asked, I have sought, and I have knocked on the door for opportunities to share Jesus. But sometimes I forget to keep doing these things. I figure God heard me the first time and He will send opportunities when He's ready but He wants us to KEEP asking, seeking, knocking. So that is what I am going to do.

Just today I began to put this verse into practice. I prayed multiple times for God to provide opportunities to share His love and multiple times He provided. I had opportunities to provide a smile, hold open a door, pray for the people I passed on my way to class, encourage a friend, share the Gospel with old classmates, share Scripture with a girl who is seeking, help feed a person who is hungry. I am not saying any of this to brag. Every day of my life should look like this but honestly these days are few and far between. I don't ask, I don't seek, and I don't knock nearly as often as I should.

In the last couple days God has been reminding me that His purpose for my life is so simple. He made me to know Him and to make Him known. Why do I have to make that so complicated?

Asking, Seeking, and Knocking. Trusting that He will answer, reveal, and open.

human.

2010-11-28T01:39:00.000-06:00

I read a blog on Thanksgiving from To Write Love on Her Arms: http://www.twloha.com/blog/
I really enjoyed it and would suggest that you read it. One of the points it made that I loved was that we all deserve the space to be human. Most of the time I want to see completely put together. I want everyone to believe that all is right with my world. Things could be so much worse and I have so much that I feel my problems are insignificant and should not be brought up. but since I am human this means I will NOT have it all together. there will be days when everything falls apart and it's alright to be real and honest on those days. it's ok to show people the broken pieces in my life. All of the broken, messed up pieces make up a beautiful story. Without them, I would not be complete. So if we are all human that must mean that others are going through rough times too, times when they may seem to have it all together on the outside but on the inside it's all crumbling down. We need to be sensitive and compassionate to the needs of others. I am so bad about getting caught up in my own worries and fears and issues that I sometimes forget to care about what's going on in other people's lives. This is something I am praying will change. I'm tired of being selfish and believing that I am the only one who suffers. There are people all around me everyday - friends, family, strangers - that are experiencing dark times and I have the light of the world living inside me that I need to show them. So instead of sitting around having a pity party, building up walls and trying to be strong, I am ready to be honest about where I am, to be thankful for where I've been realizing that it was all a part of God's purpose, to break down the walls that I have been building up for far to long, and to try to climb over the walls other people are building, to show the compassion and care that Jesus did. I know it will be a long process but you've got to start somewhere so why not here.

thankful.

2010-11-25T19:05:00.000-06:00

"Be thankful...but be careful that you don't become so enamored of God's good gifts that you fail to worship the giver." AW Tozer

I love that quote! Thanksgiving is a great holiday to sit back and enjoy food and family and all our blessings. We should be thankful more than just once a year. I am going to make a thankful list and I'll probably even share it on the blog. But I don't want to be so wrapped up in all the gifts that I forget about the One who so graciously gave.

I am THANKFUL for...

For God loved the world so much that he gave his one and only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life. - John 3:16

God's way is perfect. All the LORD's promises prove true. He is a shield for all who look to him for protection. - 2 Samuel 22:31
Family - Mom & Dad, Hannah & Hope, grandparents, great grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, extended family
Friends - Colossians 1:3- "I thank my God every time I remember you." From Fort Worth to Owensville to Benton to Crossett to Cabot to Conway and everywhere in between. I am thankful for the difference you made in my life.
Love - the ability to Love God & Love People.
My Bible
journals - my way of seeing how far God has brought me
Education
Church Camp
A house
Hot showers
A comfy bed
Technology
Music
Use of all my senses - the ability to see, hear, taste, smell, and touch...I daily take these things for granted
Little children
teenagers
my car
make-up
hair straightners
too many clothes and shoes
my health
my swimming pool
memories
Peace -John 14:27
Church - Owensville Baptist Church, Trinity Baptist Church, First Baptist Church Crossett, Mount Carmel Baptist Church, and Crosspoint Baptist Church
that I don't have to worry -Philippians 4:6
Freedom
Abundant Life -John 10:10
food
books and blogs
Wisdom - James 1:5
my sweet Sunday School teachers I've had through the years
teachers
online sermons
laughter
joy
nature
sunsets
fellowship
pictures
opportunites
God's perfect plan for me - Jeremiah 29:11
My summer job
having everything I need
struggles that God uses to draw me closer to Him
grace & mercy
forgiveness
second chances
getting mail
family game nights
baking
dancing
most of all for God who provides all these blessings!!!! - James 1:17

there are so many more things I could be and am thankful for but I think this list is long enough for today. HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

she prays one day she'll find someone to need her.

2010-11-22T15:38:00.000-06:00

last week I was feeling sorry for myself and lonely so I started praying for God to provide friendship for me. but then I realized that was kind of selfish. so I also prayed that God would show me people to love on and to be a friend to. I prayed to be needed.

He answered my prayer in the past few days with three different friends. I was needed. But I did not feel good enough. Yes, I could give them my time, my listening ears, prayers, and even food but I couldn't fix their problem.

I was feeling guilty about this today and God reminded me of this verse:

Each time he said, "My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness." So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. - 2 Corinthians 12:9

His grace is sufficient and it is Christ working through me to help these friends. He is the ultimate fixer-upper. So while I can't fix their problems and make their world perfect, I serve a God who can.

ZOEgirl - Scream

2010-11-19T12:19:00.000-06:00

Psalm 40

2010-11-17T23:39:00.000-06:00

I waited and waited and waited for the Lord. At last He looked. Finally He listened.

Six years ago I was preparing to leave my home. The place I loved. The people that I was growing up with. The church were I felt loved and welcomed. The school where I fit in, where I knew who I was. The friends that changed my life forever. During that transition I read Psalm 40 and found this verse. I knew the days ahead would be difficult but I didn't really know how difficult they would be. Leaving Crossett was one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life but it was something I had no control over. Most days I felt like Cabot was the worst place on Earth. I just wanted to go "home". I wanted my identity back.

It took a long time, a lot of tears, a lot of reliving memories, a lot of prayer, a lot of sadness and depression to get through. I waited for what felt like forever but at last God looked and listened and provided. Cabot brought new friends, a new home, and new experiences. Without that chapter in my life I wouldn't be who I am today. But six years ago I didn't know that, I couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel. All I knew was that I had to give up all I knew for something I didn't want.

I feel like I am back in that spot again. The spot of waiting and waiting and waiting. The place of not knowing what the future holds. I am a planner and want to know what is going to happen tomorrow but God is reminded me that He already has it all planned out. He sees. He listens. And one day He will reveal to me why this season had to happen. It may take 6 years but that's ok because God is Sovereign, He can do whatever He wants.

Jesus, thank you for being with me as I wait and wait and wait. Thank you for seeing me, for taking time to look my way. Thank you for listening to every cry of my heart, to every last broken piece. Thank you for using the past to teach me about the present. Thank you that the present moments will make me stronger in the future.

joy will come.

2010-11-15T22:21:00.000-06:00

some days I feel hopeless. I feel like the circumstances surrounding me will never go away. that things will never be as good as they once were. on those days I am reminded that joy WILL come. maybe not today, maybe not next week, maybe not even next year, but it WILL come. I'm thankful for that promise today.
Joy will come video click this link to see the video

Joy will come - Desperation Band

Joy will come in the morning
Riding on the wings of the dawn
I know
Joy will come after mourning
As surely as You are God

Joy will come believe
Joy will come joy will come

Joy will come like the harvest
Reaping for tears that we sow
I know
Joy will run to the farthest place
Surely as You are God

What is this hope I feel
It's helping
What is this peace beyond
Understanding
You fix the broken heart
There's healing in Your wings

What is this whisper small
I'm hearing
So far above it all
It's speaking
You're still the sovereign Lord
There's healing in Your wings

this is a blessing

2010-11-11T21:46:00.000-06:00

For the past three weeks I have missed Girl's Bible Study. Each week there has been a different reason or excuse for not going. Tonight I didn't have one and I knew I needed to go. We are studying the book of Luke so we can learn to walk as Jesus walked. This week we were reading in chapter 6. The main focus of our discussion tonight was on verses 20-21 which say

God blesses you who are poor, for the kingdom of God is yours. God blesses you who are hungry now, for you will be satisfied. God blesses you who weep now, for in due time you will laugh.

The beatitudes are simply Jesus' way of telling us to hold on. As Lynzie said it is hope in a nutshell. We also reflected on James 1:2-4

Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing.

So let it grow! I love that. I don't know about you, but I want to be perfect and complete. I can't get to that point if I don't endure trials. Why do I so often try to get rid of or hide the bad times in my life? Why don't I see them as blessings? as opportunities for growth? Jesus is teaching me more and more each day and I am so thankful.
Tonight Jordan said, "The more you suffer, the more you're filled." I want to be filled!

Thank you Jesus for girl's bible study. Thank you for teaching me new things. Help me to always remember that struggles are the most blessed times in my life because they draw me closer and closer to You. Teach me to let it grow! I love you!

sunsets of hope

2010-11-09T23:37:00.000-06:00

I love sunsets. To me, they are one of God's most beautiful creations. As I was leaving my night class I caught the final few moments of the sunset tonight, it was breath-taking. I literally just stopped for a minute to watch it through the bare trees. Oranges, pinks, and grays...LOVED it! sometimes I think God paints them just for me. they are little glimmers of hope. I rushed to my car to drive into it and watch it set but by the time I started driving it was dark.

Monday I got a text message from my precious friend Brooke. This summer her Pap passed away. He was an amazing man of God and I had the privilege of praying with him in his last months of life here on earth. That memory will always be precious to me. He sat and prayed for me and his whole family when he was the one that needed prayer the most. He was so selfless and giving. Nanny, Brooke's grandmother, is struggling with being alone. She had Pap by her side for so many years. I pray for her often but this weekend I decided to make her a card. I can't imagine what she is going through and felt like she needed some encouragement. I put the card in the mail on Saturday so she got the card Monday, the same day that she had to go the gravesite because Pap's tombstone was being delivered. I had no idea but God did. He has such perfect timing. I was amazed! It completely made my day =)
Monday night I planned to study for my two tests on Tuesday. That evening I got a text from one friend and a phone call from another. It had been almost a month since I had seen either one of them and I got to see both of them that night. We went to a campus ministry together which is always good but Monday a guest speaker spoke about brokenness. BROKENNESS. another sign of God's perfect timing. I'm in this stage of being broken. I was reminded that God often has to break us to use us. God, I'm ready to be used! I was really stressed on Monday and had several people remind me that they cared and were praying for me. They will never know how much I needed that. After the campus ministry, Barrie, Lindsey, Alyssa, and I went to 3 Flamingos for half priced yogurt. It was a much needed evening, so different that what I planned, but God's plans are always better.
Today I had a fifteen page paper due, a quiz, and two tests. can we say STRESSED?! but guess what, I survived!! God is good and faithful. I got to celebrate Emily's last night of being a teenager with her tonight and enjoyed Chinese food with my family. Great end to a not so great day. I also bought Dave Barne's Christmas album and am starting to get in the Christmas spirit =)

Sunsets are beautiful but they don't last long. The past few days in my life have had some beautiful moments, much more beautiful than the days before. But tonight I was reflecting on these recent blessings and I began to wonder if they would be like the sunset I saw tonight. Will they fade as quickly as they come? Maybe. And tonight I am ok with that because I got my glimmers of hope in a dark season. God provided those special moments to remind me of His love and His goodness. If I have to wait awhile before the next ones come that's ok because I know God is faithful and He will paint me another beautiful sunset.

He understands.

2010-11-07T21:38:00.000-06:00

one thing I'm learning more and more about God is that He understands me. He understands my heart and brokenness even when I don't understand myself. this weekend He reminded me that He knows what's going on with me and He cares. this post will probably seem scattered but these are the things God has revealed to me this weekend.

"sometimes God does not give you what you think you need from other people because He wants you to get it from Him." - Christine Caine

I love the song By Your Side by Tenth Avenue North. "why are you still searching as if I'm not enough?" I feel like that's what God is asking me. Why am I seeking for fulfillment and life in everything else? I have Jesus and He IS enough.

Matthew 6:33-34 (MSG) "Don't worry about missing out. You'll find all your everyday human concerns will be met. Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don't get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes." I love every bit of this scripture. God has it all taken care of.

MercyMe has a song out right now called Beautiful. If you haven't heard it you should definitely take time to listen to it. Part of the lyrics say this "You are more than what's hurting you tonight. You are treasured. You are sacred. You are His." I want to soak up this truth and live in it.

I've been sick this weekend so I listened to some online campuses and sermons today since I missed being at my own church. It's crazy to me how God brought me to certain blogs and people to follow on twitter which led me to these churches and the sermons I heard tonight. It's something only God could do. What I thought was random, He had a purpose for.

Crosspoint Church in Tennessee is one of the churches I listened to. They are doing a series right now called This is our God. The two sermons I heard were about God's faithfulness and His goodness. Here are my notes from those sermons...

God is faithful!
Lamentations 3
I am the man who has seen affliction
   by the rod of the LORD’s wrath.
² He has driven me away and made me walk
   in darkness rather than light;
³ indeed, he has turned his hand against me
   again and again, all day long.

⁴ He has made my skin and my flesh grow old
   and has broken my bones.
⁵ He has besieged me and surrounded me
   with bitterness and hardship.
⁶ He has made me dwell in darkness
   like those long dead.

⁷ He has walled me in so I cannot escape;
   he has weighed me down with chains.
⁸ Even when I call out or cry for help,
   he shuts out my prayer.
⁹ He has barred my way with blocks of stone;
   he has made my paths crooked.

¹⁰ Like a bear lying in wait,
   like a lion in hiding,
¹¹ he dragged me from the path and mangled me
   and left me without help.
¹² He drew his bow
   and made me the target for his arrows.

¹³ He pierced my heart
   with arrows from his quiver.
¹⁴ I became the laughingstock of all my people;
   they mock me in song all day long.
¹⁵ He has filled me with bitter herbs
   and given me gall to drink.

¹⁶ He has broken my teeth with gravel;
   he has trampled me in the dust.
¹⁷ I have been deprived of peace;
   I have forgotten what prosperity is.
¹⁸ So I say, “My splendor is gone
   and all that I had hoped from the LORD.”

¹⁹ I remember my affliction and my wandering,
   the bitterness and the gall.
²⁰ I well remember them,
   and my soul is downcast within me.
²¹ Yet this I call to mind
   and therefore I have hope:

²² Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed,
   for his compassions never fail.
²³ They are new every morning;
   great is your faithfulness.
²⁴ I say to myself, “The LORD is my portion;
   therefore I will wait for him.”

faithfulness- steadfast in affection or allegiance.

no one will be faithful all the time.

God is faithful and will not let you down.

because God is faithful...

You can trust that your past is your past.

1 John 1:9 - But if we confess our sins to Him, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all wickedness.

Trust Him with your present trouble.

Put your trust in His identity (who He is - unchanging) instead of in His activity (your circumstances) **this was EXACTLY what I needed to hear tonight. I have been trusting in His activity for way too long.

God is most powerfully present when He is most apparently absent.

Matthew 11:28-29 - Then Jesus said, "Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls."

Trust in Him with your future plans.

Lamentations 3:24

The Lord is everything I need so I'm going to wait on Him.

Each day we can trust God or ourselves/everything around us.

Every other basis of hope besides God will let us down.

What would I do if I was absolutely confident that God is with me?

God is good!

Exodus 33

For every misconception you have about God there will be a corresponding consequence. God in His goodness, gives to others in a way that is not limited by what the recipients deserve but constantly going beyond it.

In response to God's goodness we should be grateful.

All of life is a gift, we don't deserve any of it.

In response to His goodness, we should trust Him.

Thank you Jesus for internet sermons and for understanding me all the time. Thank you for being faithful and good. Let me put my hope in your identity instead of your activity. I love you!

keep singing.

2010-11-06T19:16:00.000-05:00

a few years ago my family moved to Cabot. i hated it. i wanted to go back "home" so badly. but God is good and He kept me singing. i feel like i'm back to that point again and i've gotta keep singing...

Keep Singing- MercyMe

Another rainy day
I can't recall having sunshine on my face
All I feel is pain
All I wanna do is walk out of this place
But when I am stuck and I can't move
When I don't know what I should do
When I wonder if I'll ever make it through

I gotta keep singing
I gotta keep praising Your name
Your the one that's keeping my heart beating
I gotta keep singing
I gotta keep praising Your name
That's the only way that I'll find healing

Can I climb up in Your lap
I don't wanna leave
Jesus sing over me
I gotta keep singing

Oh You're everything I need
And I gotta keep singing

Rams.

2010-11-03T12:21:00.000-05:00

Tonight in youth group we will be talking about thankfulness. Our scripture is Genesis 22, the story of Abraham and Issac. I've heard this story all my life. Its a beautiful picture of obedience, faith, trust, and testing. I'm amazed at the sacrifice Abraham was willing to make because of his fear of the Lord. These are all awesome lessons but today in relation to thankfulness God showed me something different.
I often see God as provider, which He always is. I'm more quick to be thankful for the rams in my life. For the things God provides, for the times of deliverance, and rescue, and the times when I get what I want or what I think I deserve.
But in this season of life I feel like God is not providing the rams. Rams of less stress, easy school work, best friends, a potential husband, motivation to be healthier, time for a job, more money, a clear plan for the future... All of these things would provide God the Deliverer but God is teaching me about some of His other characteristics.
He is all-knowing.
He is faithful.
He is my only hope.
He is my joy.
He is my strength.
He is Emmanuel.
He is good.
So today I am thankful for the times when God doesn't provide the ram because it is in those moments that I get to know and love more of Him.

worry.

2010-11-01T21:27:00.000-05:00

Wednesday night Cofer preached on worry and stress in youth. I needed to hear the message but felt like it was more for the students than for me. This semester was flying by and was fairly easy in the beginning but now I feel like it's all piling up and it's stressing me out. I have huge papers and really important projects to get done in a short amount of time. I'm really overwhelmed.
Today has just been one of those days where I am worried about everything under the sun - school, grades, friendships, relationships, doing the right thing, the future, etc. After my classes I decided I needed to take a walk so I went to the Salem Trail. As soon as I put my headphones on the music that filled my hears was exactly what I needed to hear. I was soaking up God's love and faithfulness and then I saw some squirrels enjoying their acorns. As I watched them eat God reminded me of the scripture that says just as He takes care of the flowers of the field, the birds of the air, the fish of the sea, and the squirrels on Salem Trail, how much more will He take care of me.
Thank you Jesus for opening my eyes and reminding me of your faithful provision. Teach me not to worry. Thank you for being in everyday moments and for the squirrels on Salem Trail =)

just what I needed.

2010-10-28T21:42:00.000-05:00

I spent way too much time on Facebook and Twitter...I'm working on it but I've got a long way to go...anyways...God used these social networking sites for His glory today. To let me love on long lost friends. To allow me opportunities to pray for those that are broken and hurting. To encourage me. To remind me that He is God and I am not. To show me that I am not alone. To remind me of His perfect timing and that He really does have it all under control.

Thank you Jesus for providing just what I needed today.

www.andymerrick.com is doing an awesome series on the goodness of God this week. check it out.
"Jesus wept. There are times we will, too. Our tears and our pain don’t mean God isn’t good. It just means we’re not God. We can only see 3.1 miles. He sees the whole horizon! His designs in this life are HUGE! The tears and heartache come first. His goodness remains constant. Hold firm to Him. He is good."

"God does not cease being good when circumstances in our life become dim."

Heather Nicole - "More often than not, circumstances arise and things take place that leave us wondering, without a reason. You can't see how anything good could ever come from the situation you've found yourself in. Don't lose hope. You are not alone, and you are not forgotten. God sees you and He hasn't deserted you. His love is ever-constant, even when the loves of the world fail."

overflow

2010-10-27T21:59:00.000-05:00

Last weekend I got to lead a group of girls at a Disciple Now Weekend in North Little Rock. My former youth pastor is now at Park Hill and asked me along with other people I'd been in youth with to come help out. It was awesome to get to watch old friends serve Jesus with their whole hearts. To sacrifice their weekend so that students could grow closer to our Father.

I got to lead with Alex Edmonds. We got to spend some quality time together and I'm so grateful. I am super proud of her and amazed by her talent. She has an ep album on itunes!! you should check her out! We led the tenth grade girls. They were such a blessing. During our times of bible study they opened up and shared about how their hearts are breaking for their lost friends. The whole youth group was amazing. They worshipped freely and passionately, it made my heart smile.

Ken Freeman spoke all weekend. If you've never heard him you're missing out. He is extremely blunt and bold and I love it!! I was challenged and got to see lives changed forever! There were about 100 people saved in North Little Rock over the weekend. One of those people was my sister, Hannah. =) My heart is so happy for her!!She came on Sunday morning and at the end of the service I found her crying with my Mom. Everyone involved in the weekend had been praying HARD for salvation and open hearts. I had no idea Hannah was going to be a part of the answer to that prayer but I am so glad that she was!

Thank you Jesus for youth that are passionate about the Gospel and are crazy in love with You. Thank you for salvation! Thank you for moving in North Little Rock! Let this only be the beginning =) Greater things are yet to come & greater things are still to be done here!

1 Peter 5:7

2010-10-18T21:24:00.000-05:00

for the past few months our church has been going through a series on how to be a biblical family. we have been challenged to live out the Gospel in our homes. I think my Mom has been challenged by these messages because tonight she told me we were going to start memorizing scripture as a family. I'm excited about this and hope we take it seriously and keep it up because I need that accountability. Hope, my youngest sister, got to pick our first verse.

1 Peter 5:7 - Give all your worries and cares to God, for He cares about you.

I need to give everything in my life to God. He believes it is all important. None of my worries or cares are insignificant to the Father. He doesn't forget about me. He always has time for me. He doesn't think I'm boring or not fun to be around. He CARES about me.

unending love. amazing grace.

2010-10-17T22:35:00.001-05:00

this morning we sang amazing grace and then a cute little old man sang it as a special. it was such a beautiful reminder of the grace that God has flooded me with the past few days. He is SO good. as we sang these words my heart was filled with the joy of His presence.

My chains are gone
I've been set free
My God, my Savior has ransomed me
And like a flood His mercy reigns
Unending love, Amazing grace

The Lord has promised good to me
His word my hope secures
He will my shield and portion be

But God who called me here below will be forever mine
You are forever mine

perfect timing.

2010-10-17T00:57:00.000-05:00

Romans 8:26-28 (The Message)

"Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God's Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don't know how or what to pray, it doesn't matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God. That's why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good."

Not even an hour after I wrote my first blog entry God was pouring love out on me through my friends. I felt abandoned all weekend and then a flood of love and encouragement comes my way. Maybe He's teaching me patience or that His love will always be greatest. Last night I asked for prayer on facebook and people let me know they were praying. I got two texts from sweet girls in my life letting me know they love me. A girl's night was planned. Another friend shared Romans 8:28 with me. I am daily being reminded of God's perfect timing.

Thank you Jesus for knowing my heart and for blessing me with exactly what I needed in Your time.

never alone.

2010-10-17T00:21:00.000-05:00

I had a really good week filled with lots of fun friends. This weekend was going to be a continuation of my great week according to my plans. Funny thing is God's plans don't always match up with mine.

Friday after class I was going to see Emily and spend some much needed time with her in Malvern. School and work pretty much consume her life these days and we don't get much friend time in so I was really looking forward to this weekend. I gave up going on a retreat with the college ministry I'm apart of. I gave up a Friday night football game with my family. But I knew these sacrifices would be worth it.Hannah had my GPS so I googled directions but then I started feeling sick. I had prayed about going to Malvern. Something just didn't feel right but why would God not want me to go? I needed time with Emily.

He used this sickness to keep me home. I used the night to rest, prepare for a DNOW next weekend, and work on my documentary. These are things I needed to do but not what I planned for AT ALL. I was disappointed and lonely. I felt let down. Yet I had hope that this weekend was not a total waste and that today would be better...it was worse (kind of).

I got to sleep in =) and spend some time with my precious little sister Hope Katherine. We played board games, basketball, and got ice cream. We went to visit my grandparents tonight which is something I've missed and been wanting to do. All good things. I should be happy, right?

But my heart is not happy. Satan has been attacking me all weekend with lies and I've been believing every single one of them. He has been telling me that I am alone. I am not fun to be around which is why I have not been asked to do anything this weekend. I am unworthy of love. Etc. For a while I sat around feeling sorry for myself. Wishing life were different. Praying that God would make it better now.

Then I started reading my bible, God's love letter to me. And this is what I read today:

Philippians 4:4-7 "Always be full of joy in the Lord. I say it again - rejoice! Let everyone see that you are considerate in all you do. Remember, the Lord is coming soon. Don't worry about anything. Tell God what you need, and thank Him for all he has done. Then you will experience God's peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus."

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 "Always be joyful. Never stop praying. Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."

so just now I "accidentally" found this:

2 Thessalonians 3:3 - "But the Lord is faithful; he will strengthen you and guard you from the evil one." amazing LOVE.

After reading these verses I journaled and asked for a heart change. I begged God for joy. I think what I really wanted was circumstantial happiness tonight but that's not what He had for me and I'm so glad!

I've been reading through Matthew and today I read in chapter 26. Jesus is in the Garden of Gethsemane feeling distressed and anguished. What does he do with these feelings? He cries out to His father..."My Father! If it is possible, let this cup be taken away from me. Yet I want your will to be done, not mine." again he prays: "My Father! If this cup cannot be taken away unless I drink it, your will be done." A third time He prays a similar prayer. I am so blessed to have a God who understands my struggles because He's been there and suffered through the same thing and He is suffering with me even now. I would LOVE for this nasty feeling to go away but maybe this "cup can't be taken away until I drink it". Maybe I have to endure this. Maybe it will be over when I wake up in the morning but maybe it won't. However long it lasts I am taking comfort in knowing that my Father's will is being done.

Matthew 26 and those "joy" verses would have been enough but I turned to Psalm and read chapter 17 for today and then I read chapter 18. wow. I felt like God put this chapter in the bible just for me to read tonight.

"I love you Lord; you are my strength. the Lord is my rock, my fortress, and my Savior; my God is my rock, in whom I find protection. He is my shield, the power that saves me, and my place of safety. I called on the Lord, who is worthy of praise and he saved me from my enemies...But in my distress I cried out to the Lord; yes I prayed to my God for help. He heard me from his sanctuary; my cry to him reached his ears...He reached down from heaven and rescued me; he drew me out of deep waters...He led me to a place of safety; he rescued me because He delights in me...You light a lamp for me. The Lord, my God, lights up my darkness...God's way is perfect. All the Lord's promises are true." that's just a portion go read the whole chapter =)

This weekend was nothing like what I expected, desired, or planned. But it was exactly what God had for me. I'm still struggling with Satan and could use your prayers but I know my God is victorious. He saved the day!

thank you Jesus for not giving me what I want. Thank you for making me have a lonely weekend. thank you for being with me through every moment. i'm sorry for not giving you all of me, for thinking i have better things to do than spend time with you. thank you for teachable moments. break me and change my heart. thank you for being for me and for never forsaking me in my weakness. your grace still amazes me. I love you!