remind me.

in January, my Sunday School teacher challenged me to pick one word for the year 2011. this one word would describe my year and what I wanted God to teach me. I would look for this word in each joy, trial, and every day moment. 
I chose the word... 

 enough

My purpose in choosing this word was to find that God is enough. In every area of my life I wanted to truly believe and live out that truth. God has used that word so many times this year to show me that He truly is enough. He showed me through a season of singleness. through a job. through friendships. through college. through a boy named tyler. through every day things. 

I am so thankful for the ways that God has proved to me that He is enough for me. 

Tonight, my word for the year took on a new meaning. It was no longer just a lesson on God being more than enough for all of me but a lesson in humility as I remembered the fact that I will never be enough for Him. God is holy and righteous and perfect and I am so far from that yet HE LOVES ME. 

On my way back to Conway tonight I was searching for a radio station and heard this song  http://youtu.be/QSIVjjY8Ou8  called Remind Me by Jason Gray. I absolutely love that God uses music to show me His heart. 

REMIND ME WHO I AM Lyrics
Jason Gray

When I lose my way
When I forget my name
Remind me who I am
In the mirror all I see
is who I don’t wanna be
Remind me who I am

In the loneliest places
When I can’t remember what grace is

Tell me once again who I am to You
Who I am to You
Tell me
Lest I forget who I am to You
I belong to You
To You

When my heart is like a stone
and I’m running far from home
Remind me who I am
When I can’t receive Your love
Afraid I’ll never be enough
Remind me who I am

If I’m Your beloved
Can You help me believe it

Tell me once again who I am to You
Who I am to You
Tell me
Lest I forget who I am to You
I belong to You
To You

I’m the one You love
I’m the one You love
That will be enough
I’m the one You love

Tell me once again who I am to You
Who I am to You
Tell me
Lest I forget who I am to You
That I belong to You
Whoa
Tell me once again who I am to You
Who I am to You
Tell me
Lest I forget who I am to You
That I belong to You
To You
To You

 

where sin runs deep

confession: I am a sinner. I am in desperate need of God's grace and mercy.

I often look at the lives of other people and look for their sins. I guess I do this to make myself "feel better". I tend to forget that all sin is equal.  Lately I have begun to realize how un-perfect I am and I am learning how much I need God's grace and mercy. Because I habitually categorize sin I usually think that other people need God's grace more than me. I am learning that I am extremely needy of the grace that HE gives maybe even more so than those I judge as sinners. 

This morning I read this in my quiet time:

The reason I can still find hope is that I keep this one thing in mind: the Lord's mercy. - Lamentations 3:21-22 ♥

Then on my way to school I listened to my Passion CD and "Lord, I need You" by Chris Tomlin began to play. It is my favorite song on the CD and I often play it on repeat. This morning God used it to remind me that I cannot live a life of holiness without Him. I have been trying to do this on my own and it is. not. working. at. all. I need Him EVERY hour. all. day. long. I am so thankful that He is always there.

Lord I come, I confess
Bowing here I find my rest
Without You I fall apart
You're the one that guides my heart
Lord, I need You, oh I need You
Every hour I need You
My one defense, my righteousness
Oh God, how I need You
Where sin runs deep, Your grace is more
Where grace is found is where You are
And where You are Lord I am free
Holiness is Christ in me
Yes where You are Lord I am free
Holiness is Christ in me
So teach my song to rise to You
When temptation comes my way
And when I cannot stand I'll fall on You
Jesus You're my hope and stay
And when I cannot stand I'll fall on You
Jesus You're my hope and stay

He who is in me is greater than I will ever be.

this morning I accepted the position of Children's Minister at First Baptist Church Wooster. for the past few days I have been so nervous and just feeling very inadequate for this position. I kept praying and telling God that I am not prepared for this. I am too young, too inexperienced. I am not good enough to lead a children's ministry. I am not cut out for this. 

When I woke up this morning I prayed for God to give me strength and peace. I asked others to pray for me and they did. And then God began to work. As I got ready for church a song came on my Pandora that says, "In my life be lifted high. In our love be lifted high. In this church be lifted high." God reminded me that this job and this life is not at all about me. Our sole purpose is to lift Him high. 

I was running late for church and I got in the car as Shawn McDonald's song "I Will Rise" came on the radio. I love that song, so I cranked up the radio and sang as loud as I could. In the middle of the song it says, "Cause He who is in me is greater than I will be and I will rise." I am not good enough to be a children's minister. I never will be. But God is in me and He is greater and He is able.

The very first song we sang at church said, "Let's forget about ourselves and magnify His name and worship Christ the Lord." Once again God was saying Haley, this is not about you. It's about Me. Then we sang about how the joy of the Lord is our strength and how in Christ alone our hope is found. On days like today, when I feel like I don't measure up and that I can't do it I have to remember that my strength and my hope come from my Savior. At the end of "In Christ Alone" it says, "from life's first cry to final breath, Jesus commands my destiny" I love that Christ has my whole life in His hands. It is such a comfort to know that He is in control. This morning I told someone that I had no clue what I was doing and he said well just remember even when you don't know what you are doing, God always knows what He is doing with you. 

The journal I use has Scriptures on the bottom of the pages. As I took notes this morning I glanced down and saw these two verses. I am so thankful that God continually meets me where I'm at. 

My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. - Psalm 73:26
Trust in Him at all times, O people; pour out your hearts to Him, for God is our refuge. - Psalm 62:8


Tonight I got to attend my home church and we had a guest speaker. He talked about the church God blesses. He talked about how we are all called to ministry as Christians and that we have got to stop being lazy and thinking that attending church is enough. It's time that we start obeying the Word of God and actually be the Church to the world around us. His final point was that God blesses the church that is humble. We read about the church at Philadelphia in Revelation and they didn't have a lot to bring to the table. They were honest with God about that and He blessed them. We have to get to the point where we can say God, this isn't going to happen unless You make it happen. This summer I have tried to do ministry on my own more often than not. I didn't seek God nearly as much as I should have and honestly, I just let it be a lot about me. But God used today to humble me and I found myself at an altar tonight surrendering all of this to God. I don't want to do this on my own any more. I need God to do it all and I am trusting that He will!

background.

this summer God has taught me a lot about ministry and humility. Last week at our VBS closing several people went and told my parents that they should be so proud of me. Sunday the pastor announced that the church would be voting on keeping me on staff through the school year. There were "amens" all around and several people came and told me how excited they were. I got full of myself and began to think about how good I had done this summer instead of giving credit where it's due. to Christ alone.

Wednesday night I prayed this: "Jesus, let these kids love you more than GaGa Ball (their favorite game)". I have no doubt that my kids have had fun this summer but I am so convicted that I have been putting more emphasis on games than the Gospel. Last night a little boy said, "Miss Haley, I'll miss you when you're gone. You're fun and let us play GaGa Ball and all the other adults make us sit still." My heart sank and I can't get those words out my head. I want my kids to have fun. I want them to enjoy church. But I want them to do those things because they are encountering God Almighty, not a children's minister who has just let them play their favorite game.

I've gotten in the way of what God wants to do this summer. I've let it be about me and about fun, instead of about Him. I've had this song on repeat all week. 

God, forgive me for letting games be more important than the Gospel. Take me out of the picture and make it all about YOU! Teach me to play the background. Amen.

Background - Lecrae

I could play the background
I could play the background
Cause I know sometimes I get in the way
So won't You take the lead, lead, lead?
So won't You take the lead, lead, lead?
And I could play the background, background
And you could take the lead

[Verse 1:]
It's evident you run the show, so let me back down
You take the leading role, and I'll play the background
I know I miss my cues, know I forget my lines
I'm sticking to your script, and I'm reading all your signs
I don't need my name in lights, I don't need a starring role
Why gain the whole wide world, If I'm just going lose my soul
And my ways ain't purified, don't live according to Your Word
I can't endure this life without Your wisdom being heard
So word to every dance, a foe, a pop star
'Cause we all play the background, but mine's a rockstar
Yeah, so if you need me I'll be stage right
Praying the whole world will start embracing stage fright
So let me fall back, stop giving my suggestions
'Cause when I follow my obsessions, I end up confessing
That I'm not that impressive, matter of fact
I'm who I are, a trail of stardust leading to the superstar

[Chorus:]
I could play the background
I could play the background
Cause I know sometimes I get in the way
So won't You take the lead, lead, lead?
So won't You take the lead, lead, lead?
And I could play the background, background
And you could take the lead

[Verse 2:]
I had a dream that I was captain of my soul
I was master of my fate, lost control. and then I sank
So I don't want to take the lead, 'cause I'm prone to make mistakes
All the folks who follow me, going end up in the wrong place
So let me just shadow you, let me trace your lines
Matter of fact, just take my pen, here, you create my rhymes
'Cause if I do this by myself, I'm scared that I'll succeed
And no longer trust in you, 'cause I only trust in me
And see, that's how you end up headed to destruction
Paving a road to nowhere, pour your life out for nothing
You pulled my card, I'm bluffing, You know what's in my hand
Me, I'm just going to trust you, You cause the dice to land
I'm in control of nothing, follow you at any cost
Some call it sovereign will, all I know is you the boss
Man, I'm so at ease, I'm so content
I'll play the background, like it's an instrument

[Chorus:]
I could play the background
I could play the background
Cause I know sometimes I get in the way
So won't You take the lead, lead, lead?
So won't You take the lead, lead, lead?
And I could play the background, background
And you could take the lead

blessed?

last weekend a friend introduced me to The Trachead Family's Praise Invasion. It is good stuff! Check it out here: http://www.trachead.com/

But in a few of the songs they talk about God blessing us or asking God to bless us with riches and cars and nice clothes and expensive things. It bothered me but I couldn't figure out why and tonight it hit me. How does God bless us? I think as Americans we often see blessings as material things or comfortable situations. But I am learning more and more that God never called us to be comfortable.  In Matthew 5 we find the beatitudes.

God blesses those who are poor and realize their need for him, for the Kingdom of Heaven is theirs. God blesses those who mourn for they will be comforted. God blesses those who are humble, for they will inherit the whole earth. God blesses those who hunger and thirst for righteousness and justice, for they will be satisfied. God blesses those who are merciful, for they will be shown mercy. God blesses those whose hearts are pure, for they will see God. God blesses those who work for peace, for they will be called children of God. God blesses those who are persecuted for doing right, for the Kingdom of Heaven is theirs.

Obviously, God's blessings are different than what we often think they are. We often believe that following Christ will led us to the perfect relationship, the greatest friendships, the most amazing family life, that we will live in luxury and make the rest of the world wish they were "blessed" like us. And God could chose to bless us that way. But I think we are missing out on the biggest blessing when we expect these things. 

God blesses us with the Kingdom of Heaven, with comfort, with the whole earth, with ultimate satisfaction, with mercy undeserved, with HIMSELF, and with the ability to be His children. 

These blessings are so much greater than worldly things. I so often forget that. So next time we ask God for blessings, let's remember the true blessing and long for more of Jesus!

you are where you are for a reason.

               Last week I got a phone call from a friend asking me to come be a camp counselor for Youth Only Week at Siloam. My first instinct was to say YESSSSS!!!!!! Because I LOVE me some youth camp! This is the first summer in seven years that I have not spent a week at Youth Camp and it makes my heart sad. Don’t get me wrong I love working as a Children’s Minister this summer; I just miss youth more than I thought I would.

                

                   For the past two years, I worked with the youth group at my church every Wednesday night. I did some Girl’s Ministry and helped with special events. Teenagers just have a special place in my heart. Last week I got to go to the nightly service for youth camp at Cold Springs and I LOVED watching students respond to what Jesus was doing in their lives.

              

                   I SO wanted to be at Siloam this week but I am teaching the Kindergarten class at Vacation Bible School this week. I have been praying for God to let me heart be fully at VBS this week and I questioned why He wouldn’t let me be a Youth Camp this week. It just wasn’t fair. Why can’t I be in two places at once??

                 

Then this morning I was reading the teacher devotion for VBS. This is what it says…

As you show love to children this week, you are showing love to Jesus. You are not just filling a spot. You were chosen – first by God and then by your VBS director. Cherish these precious moments. They are opportunities for you to worship Him.

                   God CHOSE me to be where I am for a reason. He WANTED me at VBS this week. I need to trust that His ways are best. I need to make the most of this week and love on kids so that I can love on Jesus. I need to stop wishing I was a Siloam and start thanking God for the opportunity He has given me to make much of Him.

plans.

You can make many plans,

but the Lord’s purpose will prevail.- Proverbs 19:21 NLT

this verse has been coming alive in my life so much this summer. 

about a month ago, I spent the week at Camp Siloam as a children's minister. 6 years ago I spent a week at Camp Siloam as a student. I remember sitting on the rec field with my friend as we talked about how we thought maybe God was calling us to be youth or children's ministers or calling us to be wives of youth/children's ministers. I'm not sure how much of that was "God's plan" or our own dreams. During the next 4 years my plans changed. I dreamed of going to cosmetology school. I searched the best schools in my area and got information from them but after praying about it I didn't have peace. So I ended up at UCA, where I am now, pursuing a career in teaching, which I am excited about! My current plan is to be a teacher for elementary children in 2 years when I graduate but I am beginning to wonder if God's plan is the same.


last summer I had the best job! i spent 4 weeks at church camp, worked 2 weeks of Vacation Bible School, and got to spend a week on a Mission Trip in Wichita, KS. I worked with some of the most amazing people I've ever met. I'm so thankful for last summer. a year ago, I planned to do the same thing this summer. along the way, things changed, but my plan was still to work at a camp; after all, it is the best thing about summer! But God's plans were much different. In my search for a summer job at camps and homeless missions far away from home, God sent First Baptist Wooster my way. The church is about fifteen minutes from my house. They were looking for a Children's minister for the summer and I was interested but honestly, I wanted to get away and be at one of the other summer job options. But Wooster is the door God opened and allowed me to enter. After a month and a half of ministry there, I can say I am thankful that the Lord's purpose prevails. 


about 3 years ago I sat with a family member as she asked about my plans for college. I told her where I was going and that I was majoring in Early Childhood Education. She told me that God had been preparing me to work with children since I was very young. She said she had always seen that in me and that she was so glad that I was doing what God created me to do. I do love children and I love Jesus and maybe what God created me to do can be done in both the classroom and the church. 


I don't know what life after this summer will look like. I'm not dropping out of college or changing my major. I'm just trying to open my heart to what God wants and closing it to my dreams because His are FAR greater!