confession: I am a sinner. I am in desperate need of God's grace and mercy.
I often look at the lives of other people and look for their sins. I guess I do this to make myself "feel better". I tend to forget that all sin is equal. Lately I have begun to realize how un-perfect I am and I am learning how much I need God's grace and mercy. Because I habitually categorize sin I usually think that other people need God's grace more than me. I am learning that I am extremely needy of the grace that HE gives maybe even more so than those I judge as sinners.
This morning I read this in my quiet time:
The reason I can still find hope is that I keep this one thing in mind: the Lord's mercy. - Lamentations 3:21-22 ♥
Then on my way to school I listened to my Passion CD and "Lord, I need You" by Chris Tomlin began to play. It is my favorite song on the CD and I often play it on repeat. This morning God used it to remind me that I cannot live a life of holiness without Him. I have been trying to do this on my own and it is. not. working. at. all. I need Him EVERY hour. all. day. long. I am so thankful that He is always there.
Lord I come, I confess
Bowing here I find my rest
Without You I fall apart
You're the one that guides my heart
Lord, I need You, oh I need You
Every hour I need You
My one defense, my righteousness
Oh God, how I need You
Where sin runs deep, Your grace is more
Where grace is found is where You are
And where You are Lord I am free
Holiness is Christ in me
Yes where You are Lord I am free
Holiness is Christ in me
So teach my song to rise to You
When temptation comes my way
And when I cannot stand I'll fall on You
Jesus You're my hope and stay
And when I cannot stand I'll fall on You
Jesus You're my hope and stay
this morning I accepted the position of Children's Minister at First Baptist Church Wooster. for the past few days I have been so nervous and just feeling very inadequate for this position. I kept praying and telling God that I am not prepared for this. I am too young, too inexperienced. I am not good enough to lead a children's ministry. I am not cut out for this.
When I woke up this morning I prayed for God to give me strength and peace. I asked others to pray for me and they did. And then God began to work. As I got ready for church a song came on my Pandora that says, "In my life be lifted high. In our love be lifted high. In this church be lifted high." God reminded me that this job and this life is not at all about me. Our sole purpose is to lift Him high.
I was running late for church and I got in the car as Shawn McDonald's song "I Will Rise" came on the radio. I love that song, so I cranked up the radio and sang as loud as I could. In the middle of the song it says, "Cause He who is in me is greater than I will be and I will rise." I am not good enough to be a children's minister. I never will be. But God is in me and He is greater and He is able.
The very first song we sang at church said, "Let's forget about ourselves and magnify His name and worship Christ the Lord." Once again God was saying Haley, this is not about you. It's about Me. Then we sang about how the joy of the Lord is our strength and how in Christ alone our hope is found. On days like today, when I feel like I don't measure up and that I can't do it I have to remember that my strength and my hope come from my Savior. At the end of "In Christ Alone" it says, "from life's first cry to final breath, Jesus commands my destiny" I love that Christ has my whole life in His hands. It is such a comfort to know that He is in control. This morning I told someone that I had no clue what I was doing and he said well just remember even when you don't know what you are doing, God always knows what He is doing with you.
The journal I use has Scriptures on the bottom of the pages. As I took notes this morning I glanced down and saw these two verses. I am so thankful that God continually meets me where I'm at.
My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. - Psalm 73:26
Trust in Him at all times, O people; pour out your hearts to Him, for God is our refuge. - Psalm 62:8
Tonight I got to attend my home church and we had a guest speaker. He talked about the church God blesses. He talked about how we are all called to ministry as Christians and that we have got to stop being lazy and thinking that attending church is enough. It's time that we start obeying the Word of God and actually be the Church to the world around us. His final point was that God blesses the church that is humble. We read about the church at Philadelphia in Revelation and they didn't have a lot to bring to the table. They were honest with God about that and He blessed them. We have to get to the point where we can say God, this isn't going to happen unless You make it happen. This summer I have tried to do ministry on my own more often than not. I didn't seek God nearly as much as I should have and honestly, I just let it be a lot about me. But God used today to humble me and I found myself at an altar tonight surrendering all of this to God. I don't want to do this on my own any more. I need God to do it all and I am trusting that He will!
