remind me.

in January, my Sunday School teacher challenged me to pick one word for the year 2011. this one word would describe my year and what I wanted God to teach me. I would look for this word in each joy, trial, and every day moment. 
I chose the word... 

 enough

My purpose in choosing this word was to find that God is enough. In every area of my life I wanted to truly believe and live out that truth. God has used that word so many times this year to show me that He truly is enough. He showed me through a season of singleness. through a job. through friendships. through college. through a boy named tyler. through every day things. 

I am so thankful for the ways that God has proved to me that He is enough for me. 

Tonight, my word for the year took on a new meaning. It was no longer just a lesson on God being more than enough for all of me but a lesson in humility as I remembered the fact that I will never be enough for Him. God is holy and righteous and perfect and I am so far from that yet HE LOVES ME. 

On my way back to Conway tonight I was searching for a radio station and heard this song  http://youtu.be/QSIVjjY8Ou8  called Remind Me by Jason Gray. I absolutely love that God uses music to show me His heart. 

REMIND ME WHO I AM Lyrics
Jason Gray

When I lose my way
When I forget my name
Remind me who I am
In the mirror all I see
is who I don’t wanna be
Remind me who I am

In the loneliest places
When I can’t remember what grace is

Tell me once again who I am to You
Who I am to You
Tell me
Lest I forget who I am to You
I belong to You
To You

When my heart is like a stone
and I’m running far from home
Remind me who I am
When I can’t receive Your love
Afraid I’ll never be enough
Remind me who I am

If I’m Your beloved
Can You help me believe it

Tell me once again who I am to You
Who I am to You
Tell me
Lest I forget who I am to You
I belong to You
To You

I’m the one You love
I’m the one You love
That will be enough
I’m the one You love

Tell me once again who I am to You
Who I am to You
Tell me
Lest I forget who I am to You
That I belong to You
Whoa
Tell me once again who I am to You
Who I am to You
Tell me
Lest I forget who I am to You
That I belong to You
To You
To You

 

where sin runs deep

confession: I am a sinner. I am in desperate need of God's grace and mercy.

I often look at the lives of other people and look for their sins. I guess I do this to make myself "feel better". I tend to forget that all sin is equal.  Lately I have begun to realize how un-perfect I am and I am learning how much I need God's grace and mercy. Because I habitually categorize sin I usually think that other people need God's grace more than me. I am learning that I am extremely needy of the grace that HE gives maybe even more so than those I judge as sinners. 

This morning I read this in my quiet time:

The reason I can still find hope is that I keep this one thing in mind: the Lord's mercy. - Lamentations 3:21-22 ♥

Then on my way to school I listened to my Passion CD and "Lord, I need You" by Chris Tomlin began to play. It is my favorite song on the CD and I often play it on repeat. This morning God used it to remind me that I cannot live a life of holiness without Him. I have been trying to do this on my own and it is. not. working. at. all. I need Him EVERY hour. all. day. long. I am so thankful that He is always there.

Lord I come, I confess
Bowing here I find my rest
Without You I fall apart
You're the one that guides my heart
Lord, I need You, oh I need You
Every hour I need You
My one defense, my righteousness
Oh God, how I need You
Where sin runs deep, Your grace is more
Where grace is found is where You are
And where You are Lord I am free
Holiness is Christ in me
Yes where You are Lord I am free
Holiness is Christ in me
So teach my song to rise to You
When temptation comes my way
And when I cannot stand I'll fall on You
Jesus You're my hope and stay
And when I cannot stand I'll fall on You
Jesus You're my hope and stay

He who is in me is greater than I will ever be.

this morning I accepted the position of Children's Minister at First Baptist Church Wooster. for the past few days I have been so nervous and just feeling very inadequate for this position. I kept praying and telling God that I am not prepared for this. I am too young, too inexperienced. I am not good enough to lead a children's ministry. I am not cut out for this. 

When I woke up this morning I prayed for God to give me strength and peace. I asked others to pray for me and they did. And then God began to work. As I got ready for church a song came on my Pandora that says, "In my life be lifted high. In our love be lifted high. In this church be lifted high." God reminded me that this job and this life is not at all about me. Our sole purpose is to lift Him high. 

I was running late for church and I got in the car as Shawn McDonald's song "I Will Rise" came on the radio. I love that song, so I cranked up the radio and sang as loud as I could. In the middle of the song it says, "Cause He who is in me is greater than I will be and I will rise." I am not good enough to be a children's minister. I never will be. But God is in me and He is greater and He is able.

The very first song we sang at church said, "Let's forget about ourselves and magnify His name and worship Christ the Lord." Once again God was saying Haley, this is not about you. It's about Me. Then we sang about how the joy of the Lord is our strength and how in Christ alone our hope is found. On days like today, when I feel like I don't measure up and that I can't do it I have to remember that my strength and my hope come from my Savior. At the end of "In Christ Alone" it says, "from life's first cry to final breath, Jesus commands my destiny" I love that Christ has my whole life in His hands. It is such a comfort to know that He is in control. This morning I told someone that I had no clue what I was doing and he said well just remember even when you don't know what you are doing, God always knows what He is doing with you. 

The journal I use has Scriptures on the bottom of the pages. As I took notes this morning I glanced down and saw these two verses. I am so thankful that God continually meets me where I'm at. 

My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. - Psalm 73:26
Trust in Him at all times, O people; pour out your hearts to Him, for God is our refuge. - Psalm 62:8


Tonight I got to attend my home church and we had a guest speaker. He talked about the church God blesses. He talked about how we are all called to ministry as Christians and that we have got to stop being lazy and thinking that attending church is enough. It's time that we start obeying the Word of God and actually be the Church to the world around us. His final point was that God blesses the church that is humble. We read about the church at Philadelphia in Revelation and they didn't have a lot to bring to the table. They were honest with God about that and He blessed them. We have to get to the point where we can say God, this isn't going to happen unless You make it happen. This summer I have tried to do ministry on my own more often than not. I didn't seek God nearly as much as I should have and honestly, I just let it be a lot about me. But God used today to humble me and I found myself at an altar tonight surrendering all of this to God. I don't want to do this on my own any more. I need God to do it all and I am trusting that He will!

background.

this summer God has taught me a lot about ministry and humility. Last week at our VBS closing several people went and told my parents that they should be so proud of me. Sunday the pastor announced that the church would be voting on keeping me on staff through the school year. There were "amens" all around and several people came and told me how excited they were. I got full of myself and began to think about how good I had done this summer instead of giving credit where it's due. to Christ alone.

Wednesday night I prayed this: "Jesus, let these kids love you more than GaGa Ball (their favorite game)". I have no doubt that my kids have had fun this summer but I am so convicted that I have been putting more emphasis on games than the Gospel. Last night a little boy said, "Miss Haley, I'll miss you when you're gone. You're fun and let us play GaGa Ball and all the other adults make us sit still." My heart sank and I can't get those words out my head. I want my kids to have fun. I want them to enjoy church. But I want them to do those things because they are encountering God Almighty, not a children's minister who has just let them play their favorite game.

I've gotten in the way of what God wants to do this summer. I've let it be about me and about fun, instead of about Him. I've had this song on repeat all week. 

God, forgive me for letting games be more important than the Gospel. Take me out of the picture and make it all about YOU! Teach me to play the background. Amen.

Background - Lecrae

I could play the background
I could play the background
Cause I know sometimes I get in the way
So won't You take the lead, lead, lead?
So won't You take the lead, lead, lead?
And I could play the background, background
And you could take the lead

[Verse 1:]
It's evident you run the show, so let me back down
You take the leading role, and I'll play the background
I know I miss my cues, know I forget my lines
I'm sticking to your script, and I'm reading all your signs
I don't need my name in lights, I don't need a starring role
Why gain the whole wide world, If I'm just going lose my soul
And my ways ain't purified, don't live according to Your Word
I can't endure this life without Your wisdom being heard
So word to every dance, a foe, a pop star
'Cause we all play the background, but mine's a rockstar
Yeah, so if you need me I'll be stage right
Praying the whole world will start embracing stage fright
So let me fall back, stop giving my suggestions
'Cause when I follow my obsessions, I end up confessing
That I'm not that impressive, matter of fact
I'm who I are, a trail of stardust leading to the superstar

[Chorus:]
I could play the background
I could play the background
Cause I know sometimes I get in the way
So won't You take the lead, lead, lead?
So won't You take the lead, lead, lead?
And I could play the background, background
And you could take the lead

[Verse 2:]
I had a dream that I was captain of my soul
I was master of my fate, lost control. and then I sank
So I don't want to take the lead, 'cause I'm prone to make mistakes
All the folks who follow me, going end up in the wrong place
So let me just shadow you, let me trace your lines
Matter of fact, just take my pen, here, you create my rhymes
'Cause if I do this by myself, I'm scared that I'll succeed
And no longer trust in you, 'cause I only trust in me
And see, that's how you end up headed to destruction
Paving a road to nowhere, pour your life out for nothing
You pulled my card, I'm bluffing, You know what's in my hand
Me, I'm just going to trust you, You cause the dice to land
I'm in control of nothing, follow you at any cost
Some call it sovereign will, all I know is you the boss
Man, I'm so at ease, I'm so content
I'll play the background, like it's an instrument

[Chorus:]
I could play the background
I could play the background
Cause I know sometimes I get in the way
So won't You take the lead, lead, lead?
So won't You take the lead, lead, lead?
And I could play the background, background
And you could take the lead

blessed?

last weekend a friend introduced me to The Trachead Family's Praise Invasion. It is good stuff! Check it out here: http://www.trachead.com/

But in a few of the songs they talk about God blessing us or asking God to bless us with riches and cars and nice clothes and expensive things. It bothered me but I couldn't figure out why and tonight it hit me. How does God bless us? I think as Americans we often see blessings as material things or comfortable situations. But I am learning more and more that God never called us to be comfortable.  In Matthew 5 we find the beatitudes.

God blesses those who are poor and realize their need for him, for the Kingdom of Heaven is theirs. God blesses those who mourn for they will be comforted. God blesses those who are humble, for they will inherit the whole earth. God blesses those who hunger and thirst for righteousness and justice, for they will be satisfied. God blesses those who are merciful, for they will be shown mercy. God blesses those whose hearts are pure, for they will see God. God blesses those who work for peace, for they will be called children of God. God blesses those who are persecuted for doing right, for the Kingdom of Heaven is theirs.

Obviously, God's blessings are different than what we often think they are. We often believe that following Christ will led us to the perfect relationship, the greatest friendships, the most amazing family life, that we will live in luxury and make the rest of the world wish they were "blessed" like us. And God could chose to bless us that way. But I think we are missing out on the biggest blessing when we expect these things. 

God blesses us with the Kingdom of Heaven, with comfort, with the whole earth, with ultimate satisfaction, with mercy undeserved, with HIMSELF, and with the ability to be His children. 

These blessings are so much greater than worldly things. I so often forget that. So next time we ask God for blessings, let's remember the true blessing and long for more of Jesus!

you are where you are for a reason.

               Last week I got a phone call from a friend asking me to come be a camp counselor for Youth Only Week at Siloam. My first instinct was to say YESSSSS!!!!!! Because I LOVE me some youth camp! This is the first summer in seven years that I have not spent a week at Youth Camp and it makes my heart sad. Don’t get me wrong I love working as a Children’s Minister this summer; I just miss youth more than I thought I would.

                

                   For the past two years, I worked with the youth group at my church every Wednesday night. I did some Girl’s Ministry and helped with special events. Teenagers just have a special place in my heart. Last week I got to go to the nightly service for youth camp at Cold Springs and I LOVED watching students respond to what Jesus was doing in their lives.

              

                   I SO wanted to be at Siloam this week but I am teaching the Kindergarten class at Vacation Bible School this week. I have been praying for God to let me heart be fully at VBS this week and I questioned why He wouldn’t let me be a Youth Camp this week. It just wasn’t fair. Why can’t I be in two places at once??

                 

Then this morning I was reading the teacher devotion for VBS. This is what it says…

As you show love to children this week, you are showing love to Jesus. You are not just filling a spot. You were chosen – first by God and then by your VBS director. Cherish these precious moments. They are opportunities for you to worship Him.

                   God CHOSE me to be where I am for a reason. He WANTED me at VBS this week. I need to trust that His ways are best. I need to make the most of this week and love on kids so that I can love on Jesus. I need to stop wishing I was a Siloam and start thanking God for the opportunity He has given me to make much of Him.

plans.

You can make many plans,

but the Lord’s purpose will prevail.- Proverbs 19:21 NLT

this verse has been coming alive in my life so much this summer. 

about a month ago, I spent the week at Camp Siloam as a children's minister. 6 years ago I spent a week at Camp Siloam as a student. I remember sitting on the rec field with my friend as we talked about how we thought maybe God was calling us to be youth or children's ministers or calling us to be wives of youth/children's ministers. I'm not sure how much of that was "God's plan" or our own dreams. During the next 4 years my plans changed. I dreamed of going to cosmetology school. I searched the best schools in my area and got information from them but after praying about it I didn't have peace. So I ended up at UCA, where I am now, pursuing a career in teaching, which I am excited about! My current plan is to be a teacher for elementary children in 2 years when I graduate but I am beginning to wonder if God's plan is the same.


last summer I had the best job! i spent 4 weeks at church camp, worked 2 weeks of Vacation Bible School, and got to spend a week on a Mission Trip in Wichita, KS. I worked with some of the most amazing people I've ever met. I'm so thankful for last summer. a year ago, I planned to do the same thing this summer. along the way, things changed, but my plan was still to work at a camp; after all, it is the best thing about summer! But God's plans were much different. In my search for a summer job at camps and homeless missions far away from home, God sent First Baptist Wooster my way. The church is about fifteen minutes from my house. They were looking for a Children's minister for the summer and I was interested but honestly, I wanted to get away and be at one of the other summer job options. But Wooster is the door God opened and allowed me to enter. After a month and a half of ministry there, I can say I am thankful that the Lord's purpose prevails. 


about 3 years ago I sat with a family member as she asked about my plans for college. I told her where I was going and that I was majoring in Early Childhood Education. She told me that God had been preparing me to work with children since I was very young. She said she had always seen that in me and that she was so glad that I was doing what God created me to do. I do love children and I love Jesus and maybe what God created me to do can be done in both the classroom and the church. 


I don't know what life after this summer will look like. I'm not dropping out of college or changing my major. I'm just trying to open my heart to what God wants and closing it to my dreams because His are FAR greater!

in this moment.

I love to plan ahead. I always want to know what the next step is. But I am following a God who very often only reveals His plans to me moment by moment. I am reading a book, One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp right now that is teaching me to be thankful in the moment by moment revelation. The entire book seems to revolve around 1 Thessalonians 5:18

In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.

Just today I have read several quotes in the book that jumped out and convicted me in my ungratefulness.

• "Every moment I live, I live bowed to something. And if I don't see God, I'll bow down before something else."
• "You would be very ashamed if you knew what the experiences you call setbacks, upheavals, pointless disturbances, and tedious annoyances really are. You would realize that your complaints about them are nothing more nor less than blasphemies -- though that never occurs to you. Nothing happens to you except by the will of God, and yet [God's] beloved children curse it because they do not know it for what it is." - Caussade
• "Feelings work faster than thoughts. The only way to fight a feeling is with a feeling."
• "The Lord has to break us down at the strongest part of our self-life before He can have His own way of blessing with us." - McConkey
• "But wells don't come without first begging to see the wells; wells don't come without first splitting open hard earth, cracking back the lids. There's no seeing God face-to-face without first the ripping."
•   "But the secret to joy is to keep seeking God where we doubt He is."

forget me not.

I often feel forgettable and forgotten. I am not the most outgoing person and am often the quieter one in groups of people. So more often than not people forget who I am. Or sometimes I go awhile without hearing from or seeing friends (I realize it works both ways) and I feel forgotten. I struggle with this more than I want to admit. Moving around growing up didn't exactly help my feelings of being forgotten and forgettable. 

Today I was reading One Thousand Gifts and the author wrote about this Scripture:

And the very hairs on your head are all numbered. So don't be afraid; you are more valuable to God than a whole flock of sparrows. - Luke 12:7

I kept reading and then did some other things but as I was walking through my neighborhood a few hours later the verse came back to mind and I began to dwell on. To let in really soak in. 

The God that created the whole universe, the God who made every man, woman, boy and girl that lives today, that lived years ago, and that will live in years to come, the God who made everything in all creation...that God knows my name, He knows my heart, and He cares so much about me that He has even taken the time to count every hair on my head. That is so amazing to me. It is even more amazing that He has done the same thing for every person that ever has and ever will live. 

God cares and does not forget about His beloved creation. 

When He saw them.

³⁵ Jesus went through all the towns and villages, teaching in their synagogues, proclaiming the good news of the kingdom and healing every disease and sickness. ³⁶ When he saw the crowds, he had compassion on them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd. ³⁷ Then he said to his disciples, “The harvest is plentiful but the workers are few. ³⁸ Ask the Lord of the harvest, therefore, to send out workers into his harvest field.” - Matthew 9

 When Jesus saw lost people He saw the real condition of their heart. He had compassion for them. He knew that they needed a Savior and He gave them one. 

When I see people who are lost and have lives filled with sin most of the time I don't have much compassion for them. It's usually more of an eye roll and thoughts of judgement. Just being honest.  

But I want to see like Jesus. I want to look past the sin and differences and get to the heart of the matter: people need the Lord. I have Jesus in my life and I need to be willing to share Him with others who so desperately need Him instead of judging their sin that is equal to mine. 

Father, make me more like Your Son!

seeing God for who He is.

The Lord is a jealous God, filled with vengeance and rage. He takes revenge on all who oppose him and continues to rage against his enemies! The Lord is slow to get angry, but his power is great, and he never lets the guilty go unpunished. He displays his power in the whirlwind and the storm. The billowing clouds are the dust beneath his feet. At his command the oceans dry up, and the rivers disappear. The lush pastures of Bashan and Carmel fade, and the green forests of Lebanon wither. In his presence the mountains quake, and the hills melt away; the earth trembles, and its people are destroyed. Who can stand before his fierce anger? Who can survive burning fury? His rage blazes forth like fire, and the mountains crumble to dust in His presence. The Lord is good, a strong refuge when trouble comes. He is close to those who trust in him. But he will sweep away his enemies in an overwhelming flood. He will pursue his foes into the darkness of night. - Nahum 1:2-8

A few months ago I attended a Secret Church simulcast at my church. For the first time that I can ever remember in my 20 years of going to church I heard that God hates sinners. I have never been a regular attender of a "feel-good" kind of church. But even in the churches I have gone to and the way I have been taught and the way I have studied the Bible I have created my own version of God. The Bible says the I am created in the image God not the other way around. It is not up to me to determine who God is. 

In the verses above we see a jealous, vengeful God then at the end we see that God is good and a comfort to his people. How can he be both? Because he is God. I have dumbed God down to fit into something that I can understand and into who I want him to be. I have made him into a sweet and innocent being that will forgive all my sins and love me just the way that I am. I have bought into a lie about who God is. A lie that is comfortable and that sounds good. 

Since January, I have been reading through the Bible. I have never read all the way through. I started in Genesis and am going book by book. Throughout the Old Testament I have begun to see these characteristics of an angry God. A God who cannot stand sin. A God who brings severe punishment on his people when they disobey him. Before this year I had heard many of these stories but I had never made the connection that God hates my sin in the same way that he hated the sins of the people in the Old Testament. God takes sin very seriously and so should I. 

I pray that I will stop creating my own version of God and that I will seek Him and worship Him for who He truly is. 

identity and worth.

In the last five days three of my friends have gotten engaged. In the months and weeks before that several other friends have done the same.  This engagement thing is like a disease that we all want to catch. Today I was talking to one of my non-engaged friends and we were discussing all of these recent engagements of our friends and people we went to church with or to school with. We started joking about who would be next and she said it would be me. I told her there is no way I am next. Not because I don't want to be engaged or married one day but because there is no evidence that it will happen at anytime in the near future. She then said exactly what I had been feeling: I feel left out.

We are so happy for our friends and cannot wait to be at their weddings and celebrate this next phase of life with them. But honestly, we are wondering when it will be our turn. When will we get to change our facebook relationship status, when will we get to wear a pretty ring, when will we get to buy a beautiful wedding dress, and when will we find fulfillment & satisfaction in another person.

Hopefully there will be a day when our martial status changes, our left ring finger displays a pretty jewel, and we wear the most beautiful white dress. But we will never find complete fulfillment and satisfaction in another human. Only Jesus can fully satisfy.

I don't just want a wedding and a ring. I want someone to want me. I want to be loved. I want to be known. I want to be complete. But God is reminding me that a man will never be enough to give me all that I want. God didn't design it that way. God is enough for me.  

He wants me.
Even before he made the world, God loved us and chose us in Christ to be made holy and without fault in his eyes. - Ephesians 1:4

He loves me. 
God loved the world so much that he sent his one and only son that whoever believes in him will not die but will have everlasting life. - John 3:16

He knows me. 
You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother's womb. -Psalm 139:13

He alone makes me complete.
For in Christ lives all the fullness of God in a human body. So you also are complete through your union with Christ, who is the head over every ruler and authority. - Colossians 2:9-10

God knew that many of my friends would get engaged this week. He knew that I would struggle with putting my identity and worth in any place but Him. He knew that I would fail to trust in His plan. So God, being who He is, gave some excellent messages to some pastors that I could listen to online. (Being a pastor's kid myself, I never thought I would actually enjoy listening to sermons, I've heard what seems to be enough to last a lifetime.) Elevation Church is doing a series called Mr. & Mrs. Betterhalf. Northpoint Community Church is doing a series called The New Rules for Love, Sex, and Dating. The City Church is doing a series called We are Family. God knew that I would need to hear these words from Him this week. He knew all along. 

And just like He knew about the engagements of my friends and my needs for His truths as revealed in those sermons. He also knows the rest of my story. He knows the ending that I cannot see or even imagine. He is working it all out for His glory and my good. Romans 8:28 He has got this all under control. I just have to learn to trust that He knows what He is doing and that His timing is way better than my own!  

boundaries, limits, and the Bible.

Last night I was walk/jogging in my neighborhood. The walking was nice but the jogging was really difficult. I don't participate in much physical activity. Basically, I'm lazy but I am trying to change that as I read Made to Crave: Satisfying Your Deepest Desire With God, Not Food.
Anyway, as I was pushing myself to jog and praying for strength, my ipod shuffled to No Boundaries from Kris Allen's season of American Idol. In my mind and my physical strength I wanted to quickly give up on this jogging thing but God sent me a song to remind me that in my weakness, He is strong.


Tonight, I was walk/jogging again and I thought about that song. No Boundaries. That means without limits. I often limit myself according to my own abilities. I have convinced myself that I will never be a skinny person or an athletic person or a runner. I can't do it. And maybe that is true. But my God does not have limits to His power. According to Acts 1:8 - "But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes upon you..." He has given me that same limitless power. In my own strength I could not finish my walk/jog or a healthy lifestyle journey but with God's limitless power and strength I can do all things (Philippians 4:13). 


I not only limit my abilities in the athletic realm but in other areas of my life as well. I believe that I cannot do something and so I refuse to even try. I so often forget about the power living in me, the power of the Holy Spirit.

This summer I will be working as children's minister. I have not ever done a job like this before. I did not really ever intend or plan on doing this job but God often has very different, BETTER plans than my own. Even before this job has offically begun, there have been moments where I have believed that I will be a failure at this job and the truth is, if I attempt it on my own I will be. But there is hope, my God will not fail if I rely on Him for strength. He can work through the limits I have placed on my life and lead me into a journey with Him that has no boundaries. I am so looking forward to the way He works this summer. 


I think God has used these moments to remind me how much I need Him and to show me just how powerful He is. May I walk in His strength and power, reminded that I can do nothing on my own, but all things through Him who gives me strength.


2 Corinthians 12:9 - Each time he said, "My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness."

Worthy of Worship.

You are the strength, that keeps me walking.
You are the hope, that keeps me trusting.
You are the light to my soul.
You are my purpose...You're everything.

How can I stand here with You and not be moved by You?

These words come from a song by Lifehouse called Everything. God put them on my heart as I walked out of church this morning. Today is Resurrection Sunday. The day we celebrate Jesus who came to die on a cross, bearing the weight of all our sin. Who was dead for 3 days but rose again on that third day. JESUS IS ALIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

He conquered sin & death. This is reason to celebrate but as I sat in church this morning I didn't see much celebration.

 

I realize that worship looks different for different people. Some people shout, others clap, some dance, others raise their hands, some kneel, others fall face down before the King. Regardless of the method used, Jesus is worthy of worship. We sing a hymn that says those very words. "Worthy of worship, worthy of praise, worthy of honor, and glory.  Worthy of all the glad songs we can sing. Worthy of all of the offerings we bring."  

 

We stood as a congregation and sang songs about Jesus being ALIVE and about how we are alive all because of Him.  "Because He lives I can face tomorrow, because He lives all fear is gone, because I know He holds the future, and life is worth the living just because He lives!" Many people stood in their pews like statues, and I will be the first to admit that I have done the same thing countless times. We seem to just go through the motions. Sing the song, pray the prayer, half listen to the sermon, go home, repeat next week. But that's not what our KING is worthy of. He is worthy of worship, not the half-hearted junk that we give him every Sunday. We were told we could be seated and everyone sat down. Tyler began to sing Glorious Day. As we sang the words,

Living He loved me, dying He saved me, buried He carried my sins far away, rising He justified freely forever, one day He's coming oh Glorious Day! 

I could not stay seated in my seat! JESUS IS ALIVE!! He saved ME! That is HUGE!!! I stood up to worship my King and raised my hands in worship. I will be totally honest and say that I almost didn't because I was worried about what people would think. People don't raise their hands or just stand up in the middle of worship at my church but today I did. I am pretty sure I was alone in it but I  needed to worship and give my Father the glory and honor that HE alone is due. It breaks my heart that we don't give Christ the worship He is so very worthy of. It also makes me wonder what these people will do in Heaven because I am pretty sure there won't be pews to sit in. Crossed arms and expressionless faces won't do! We will have a King to worship. I believe this life is practice for the next so I am going to worship my Jesus now! 

After church was over this morning a lady hugged me and thanked me for being bold. I don't think I am anywhere close to being bold. I have so much work to do. I need to speak out about the Gospel so much more. But I have always heard that if we don't take a stand in the church we will never take a stand in the world. After church tonight a man pulled me aside and told me to never be ashamed to stand up and raise my hands and worship in freedom. He said it meant so much to so many people and that it shows what is going on inside of me. 

It is far easier for me to stand and raise my hands and get excited when everyone else is doing it. I love being in worship services where people are worshiping with reckless abandon. But I think God was using today to remind me that there will times when I will have to stand alone but that doesn't matter because HE IS WORTHY! and He is always with me!

I am praying for the Church to not be afraid of what others think and to just worship Jesus for who He is. Let us not hold back from giving Him our all! Matt Maher sings a song called Christ is Risen that has been in my head all day.  

1 Timothy 2:8 - In every place of worship, I want men to pray with holy hands lifted up to God, free from anger and controversy.

Galatians 2:20-21 - My old self has been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. So I live in this earthly body by trusting in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself up for me. I do not treat the grace of God as meaningless. For is keeping the law could make us right with God then there was no need for Christ to die.

 

Jesus in your pocket.

I have spent the past 6 days at Pickles Gap Baptist Church. Last weekend I led a junior girl's small group for their Disciple Now Weekend and this week I have attended their revival services. God showed up and reminded us that He can do significant things in insignificant places. I am so convicted and refreshed after this week. Doug Compton did an excellent job of preaching the Gospel. He got in our business and didn't sugar coat anything. I was so challenged to do hard things. I want to share things that God taught me this week so that they may be used in someone else's life. 

Night 1

• We carry Jesus around in our pocket and only pull Him out when we need Him.
• Would there be enough evidence to convict you as a Christian at your school or home or workplace?
• Jesus is not the man upstairs or someone you can carry around in your pocket. He is the King of Kings & Lord of Lords!
• John 21
• When God tells you do something, He will give you the power and strength to do it!
• It doesn't matter what everyone else does! Don't worry about anyone except Christ!
• Revelation 1:17 - When I saw Him, I fell at His feet as if I were dead.
• Quit treating Christ like He's not on the throne. 
• You don't have a sin problem. You have an honor problem.
• Psalm 110 - The Lord said to my Lord, "Sit in the place of honor at my right hand until I humble your enemies, making them a footstool under your feet." The Lord will extend your powerful kingdom from Jerusalem; you will rule over your enemies. When you go to war, your people will serve you willingly. You are arrayed in holy garments, and your strength will be renewed each day like the morning dew. The Lord has taken an oath and will not break his vow; "You are a priest forever in the order of Melchizedek." The Lord stands at your right hand to protect you. He will strike down many kings when his anger erupts. He will punish the nations and fill their lands with corpses; he will shatter heads over the whole earth. But he himself will be refreshed from brooks along the way. He will be victorious.
• He will be victorious!
• Satan HATES your guts!
• Worship is an overflow of the heart.

waiting here for You.

we come with expectation, waiting here for You

Sunday I had a conversation that has stuck with me all week. I can't get it out of my head. I was telling Amy about a Disciple Now I am getting to be a part of this weekend. I talked about how excited I was for all the BIG things God was going to do, about how I was preparing and praying and ready to bring my A-game. Then she said this...

What if we prayed and brought our A-game on any given Sunday? God wants to show up for us in every service in the same way He shows up for the BIG events, but we don't come with great expectation.

Honestly, I can't remember the last time I really prayed hard for a Sunday service or a Wednesday night. Sometimes I will say a little prayer on my way to church or as I am walking in the sanctuary but even that is quite rare. I definitely don't bring my A-game every time. 

But for church camps, revivals, DNOWs, etc. I am praying weeks in advance. I am expecting God to move mountains. I come to the event knowing God is going to be there and that people will respond to Him. Why don't I do this on any given Sunday? Why am I not confident that God will move in a regular church service?

This has been on my heart all week, convicting me. Amy also said, things would be very different if we prayed and prepared for every church service/event we are a part of. I want to come with expectation, waiting here for You regardless of the event, venue, or number of attendees. Lord, help me.

second chance.

today is my 2nd spiritual birthday! I wrote this note two years ago to share my story and I wanted to share it with you today:

April 4, 2009 changed my life forever. I had deceived everyone, my friends, my church, my family, even myself. My dad has been in the ministry my whole life and every time church was open I was there. When I was seven I prayed a prayer with my mom in my bedroom using the salvation bracelet and my dad baptized me at our church. I didn't really remember much of a change but I was young and hadn't really committed any "big" sins so I didn't let that bother me. At the age of 9 I had serious doubts as I read the Left Behind series. I hadn't really studied Revelations before that time and I was so terrified. There were months that I would cry myself to sleep saying the sinner's prayer over and over and over in my head. Finally, I went to my parents and they reminded me of my "decision" from when I was 7. Since they believed I was saved then I decided I should do. So the doubts disappeared for a while. A few years later at Springlake Summer Camp the pastor talked about doubts and mine revisited me. Since then I've struggled with doubts but not daily so I justified it by saying that all Christians have doubts and when I was 7 I had an experience. My doubts always seemed to come when I was trying to go to bed or during the invitation so I prayed the prayer countless times but I never really meant it, until now. I know that God has spoken to me and I have been a leader and a "good" Christian my whole life. I used all of that to force myself into believing that I was a real Christian. The hardest part for me was making my decision public. EVERYONE believed I was a Christian. What would their reaction be to find out that I wasn't? Last night at DNOW as soon as the speaker got on stage I couldn't breathe, my heart was racing, and I was shaking. I knew I needed peace. Friday night Pastor Dave said Knowing is not Believing and Delayed obedience is disobedience. When the invitation started last night I began to pray and I asked God to show me what to do. About that time my college leader, Casey, put her hand on my shoulder and I knew what I had to do. I went and prayed with Casey. I am so glad God sent her this weekend. I think that was what it took for me. I needed someone I didn't know so that I wouldn't let pride get in the way. I am so afraid of what other people think of me. When we sat down Casey said you know the story right? And she was right. I know the story better than most people I've heard it my whole life. I can quote scripture and I've learned how to live like Jesus. But I'd never given my whole heart to Him. Casey and I prayed and Jesus now lives in me. God gave me peace like a river in my soul, the doubts are gone and I don't have to wonder anymore. After the service I had the privilege of telling my friends they were shocked to say the least but I felt more loved in that moment than I have in a long time. When we got back to our host home I had the privilege of getting to pray with my best friend, Erin Larsen, and watch her come to Christ as well. We were able to talk to each other and understand because we both "believed" we were saved and we had lived our lives in that way. We were faithful to our church but we weren't yet Christians. I am so thankful that God allowed us to have the same spiritual birthday!! This morning at church we got to walk the aisle together =) along with our friend Kayla who is being obedient and getting baptized! Thank you Jesus for saving me and thank you for giving me the courage to let go of my pride and follow you. I am sorry for just going through the motions. But thank you thank you thank you for giving me a second chance. I love you Lord!!

God has been teaching me so much through the past two years! Every day I get to encounter Him! Life has not been super easy but I have not had to walk alone and it has all been so very worth it!! I love having a relationship with Him! 

**If you read this and don't know Jesus personally I would love to talk to you! Send me an e-mail at haleybeth_09@yahoo.com

home is where the heart is.

20 years. 2 states. 6 cities. 7 houses. 

In my 20 years of life I have not had a constant home. I won't ever be able to say that is the  house that built me. I won't be able to take my children to my childhood home. Even now, I can't "go home" for the weekend or during holidays. I have always lived in a house. 7 different houses to be exact. They eventually felt like home but then they became a house again and I had to readjust to a new house and make it feel like a home. 

Growing up in different places has been a struggle. Readjustment does not come naturally for me. Sometimes I wish I could have just stayed in one city, in one house, with the same community my whole life. But I know if I did that life wouldn't be the way it is today. I wouldn't be the Haley I am today. God needed me to live in Alvarado, Owensville, Benton, Crossett, Cabot, and Conway. He had a purpose for me in each of those cities. 


My locations and houses have varied over the last 20 years. But my home hasn't changed. I love the way Annie puts it

Jesus is my home. The one that will not change. The one that makes me the best [Haley]. The one that safely holds my heart.

 My location will change and my houses will continue to be different as I grow older but my home will NEVER change. I am so thankful that Jesus is my constant. That will always be enough!