God has been teaching me so much through the past two years! Every day I get to encounter Him! Life has not been super easy but I have not had to walk alone and it has all been so very worth it!! I love having a relationship with Him!April 4, 2009 changed my life forever. I had deceived everyone, my friends, my church, my family, even myself. My dad has been in the ministry my whole life and every time church was open I was there. When I was seven I prayed a prayer with my mom in my bedroom using the salvation bracelet and my dad baptized me at our church. I didn't really remember much of a change but I was young and hadn't really committed any "big" sins so I didn't let that bother me. At the age of 9 I had serious doubts as I read the Left Behind series. I hadn't really studied Revelations before that time and I was so terrified. There were months that I would cry myself to sleep saying the sinner's prayer over and over and over in my head. Finally, I went to my parents and they reminded me of my "decision" from when I was 7. Since they believed I was saved then I decided I should do. So the doubts disappeared for a while. A few years later at Springlake Summer Camp the pastor talked about doubts and mine revisited me. Since then I've struggled with doubts but not daily so I justified it by saying that all Christians have doubts and when I was 7 I had an experience. My doubts always seemed to come when I was trying to go to bed or during the invitation so I prayed the prayer countless times but I never really meant it, until now. I know that God has spoken to me and I have been a leader and a "good" Christian my whole life. I used all of that to force myself into believing that I was a real Christian. The hardest part for me was making my decision public. EVERYONE believed I was a Christian. What would their reaction be to find out that I wasn't? Last night at DNOW as soon as the speaker got on stage I couldn't breathe, my heart was racing, and I was shaking. I knew I needed peace. Friday night Pastor Dave said Knowing is not Believing and Delayed obedience is disobedience. When the invitation started last night I began to pray and I asked God to show me what to do. About that time my college leader, Casey, put her hand on my shoulder and I knew what I had to do. I went and prayed with Casey. I am so glad God sent her this weekend. I think that was what it took for me. I needed someone I didn't know so that I wouldn't let pride get in the way. I am so afraid of what other people think of me. When we sat down Casey said you know the story right? And she was right. I know the story better than most people I've heard it my whole life. I can quote scripture and I've learned how to live like Jesus. But I'd never given my whole heart to Him. Casey and I prayed and Jesus now lives in me. God gave me peace like a river in my soul, the doubts are gone and I don't have to wonder anymore. After the service I had the privilege of telling my friends they were shocked to say the least but I felt more loved in that moment than I have in a long time. When we got back to our host home I had the privilege of getting to pray with my best friend, Erin Larsen, and watch her come to Christ as well. We were able to talk to each other and understand because we both "believed" we were saved and we had lived our lives in that way. We were faithful to our church but we weren't yet Christians. I am so thankful that God allowed us to have the same spiritual birthday!! This morning at church we got to walk the aisle together =) along with our friend Kayla who is being obedient and getting baptized! Thank you Jesus for saving me and thank you for giving me the courage to let go of my pride and follow you. I am sorry for just going through the motions. But thank you thank you thank you for giving me a second chance. I love you Lord!!
**If you read this and don't know Jesus personally I would love to talk to you! Send me an e-mail at haleybeth_09@yahoo.com
Haley, thank you for sharing your story with the world. I know the story you describe very well... different name (mine), and a few different circumstances, but the same doubt, fear, and general feeling that something was "missing." I am so SO happy to say that I finally found what I was looking for in June of last year. I prayed that very familiar prayer, but this time it was different, just like you described. I am a new person now, and I wouldn't go back to where I was for ANYTHING. God gives me joy in my heart (that I want nothing more to take and spread to as many people as possible!!!), even in circumstances that would make most people want to retreat into a dark room and not come out. The peace He has given me is beyond words. I love my Creator more than words can say or describe and I pray, oh how I pray, that more of my sisters and brothers of this world can experience this too! (That's one of the gifts He has given me - the ability to feel love to people I've never met, love like I would have for a sister or a brother! And before my first feelings toward another would be fear and skeptism...)
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing your story and putting a story similar to mine into words.
God bless,
Chrissy