identity and worth.

In the last five days three of my friends have gotten engaged. In the months and weeks before that several other friends have done the same.  This engagement thing is like a disease that we all want to catch. Today I was talking to one of my non-engaged friends and we were discussing all of these recent engagements of our friends and people we went to church with or to school with. We started joking about who would be next and she said it would be me. I told her there is no way I am next. Not because I don't want to be engaged or married one day but because there is no evidence that it will happen at anytime in the near future. She then said exactly what I had been feeling: I feel left out.

We are so happy for our friends and cannot wait to be at their weddings and celebrate this next phase of life with them. But honestly, we are wondering when it will be our turn. When will we get to change our facebook relationship status, when will we get to wear a pretty ring, when will we get to buy a beautiful wedding dress, and when will we find fulfillment & satisfaction in another person.

Hopefully there will be a day when our martial status changes, our left ring finger displays a pretty jewel, and we wear the most beautiful white dress. But we will never find complete fulfillment and satisfaction in another human. Only Jesus can fully satisfy.

I don't just want a wedding and a ring. I want someone to want me. I want to be loved. I want to be known. I want to be complete. But God is reminding me that a man will never be enough to give me all that I want. God didn't design it that way. God is enough for me.  

He wants me.
Even before he made the world, God loved us and chose us in Christ to be made holy and without fault in his eyes. - Ephesians 1:4

He loves me. 
God loved the world so much that he sent his one and only son that whoever believes in him will not die but will have everlasting life. - John 3:16

He knows me. 
You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother's womb. -Psalm 139:13

He alone makes me complete.
For in Christ lives all the fullness of God in a human body. So you also are complete through your union with Christ, who is the head over every ruler and authority. - Colossians 2:9-10

God knew that many of my friends would get engaged this week. He knew that I would struggle with putting my identity and worth in any place but Him. He knew that I would fail to trust in His plan. So God, being who He is, gave some excellent messages to some pastors that I could listen to online. (Being a pastor's kid myself, I never thought I would actually enjoy listening to sermons, I've heard what seems to be enough to last a lifetime.) Elevation Church is doing a series called Mr. & Mrs. Betterhalf. Northpoint Community Church is doing a series called The New Rules for Love, Sex, and Dating. The City Church is doing a series called We are Family. God knew that I would need to hear these words from Him this week. He knew all along. 

And just like He knew about the engagements of my friends and my needs for His truths as revealed in those sermons. He also knows the rest of my story. He knows the ending that I cannot see or even imagine. He is working it all out for His glory and my good. Romans 8:28 He has got this all under control. I just have to learn to trust that He knows what He is doing and that His timing is way better than my own!  

boundaries, limits, and the Bible.

Last night I was walk/jogging in my neighborhood. The walking was nice but the jogging was really difficult. I don't participate in much physical activity. Basically, I'm lazy but I am trying to change that as I read Made to Crave: Satisfying Your Deepest Desire With God, Not Food.
Anyway, as I was pushing myself to jog and praying for strength, my ipod shuffled to No Boundaries from Kris Allen's season of American Idol. In my mind and my physical strength I wanted to quickly give up on this jogging thing but God sent me a song to remind me that in my weakness, He is strong.


Tonight, I was walk/jogging again and I thought about that song. No Boundaries. That means without limits. I often limit myself according to my own abilities. I have convinced myself that I will never be a skinny person or an athletic person or a runner. I can't do it. And maybe that is true. But my God does not have limits to His power. According to Acts 1:8 - "But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes upon you..." He has given me that same limitless power. In my own strength I could not finish my walk/jog or a healthy lifestyle journey but with God's limitless power and strength I can do all things (Philippians 4:13). 


I not only limit my abilities in the athletic realm but in other areas of my life as well. I believe that I cannot do something and so I refuse to even try. I so often forget about the power living in me, the power of the Holy Spirit.

This summer I will be working as children's minister. I have not ever done a job like this before. I did not really ever intend or plan on doing this job but God often has very different, BETTER plans than my own. Even before this job has offically begun, there have been moments where I have believed that I will be a failure at this job and the truth is, if I attempt it on my own I will be. But there is hope, my God will not fail if I rely on Him for strength. He can work through the limits I have placed on my life and lead me into a journey with Him that has no boundaries. I am so looking forward to the way He works this summer. 


I think God has used these moments to remind me how much I need Him and to show me just how powerful He is. May I walk in His strength and power, reminded that I can do nothing on my own, but all things through Him who gives me strength.


2 Corinthians 12:9 - Each time he said, "My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness."