We have been engaged for about 7 months now. In the past seven months I have been doing quite a bit of reading about marriage. I want to be prepared. I spend a lot of time
What Did You Expect: Redeeming the Realities of Marriage by Paul Tripp
Real Marriage by Mark and Grace Driscoll
Love and Respect by Eggerichs
Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts by Les and Leslie Parrott
Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas
We are using Preparing For Marriage from FamilyLife for our premartial counseling
My favorite book thus far has been What Did You Expect. It is teaching me so much. Sometimes it is a slap in the face and strong dose of reality. At other times it is a beautiful reminder of the purpose of marriage. In Sacred Marriage, Thomas poses this question: What if the purpose of marriage isn't to make you happy, but to make you holy? Not gonna lie this is hard to swallow some days. But it makes me think. As a girl I have dreamed of the picture-perfect happily ever after. Even through Tyler and I's dating and engagement we are always talking about how excited we are to be married and most of our excitement is focused on those "happy" feelings.
But even now, before marriage, I am beginning to understand this holiness business. Honestly, it's tough. I want the happily ever after but I am learning that to get there you have to get through reality. In What Did You Expect he talks a lot about how we are sinners marrying sinners. I cannot enter into this covenant relationship expecting Tyler to be perfect, to never hurt me, or satisfy my every need. He is a sinner just like me. He will do things I don't like and I will get hurt. He won't be able to fulfill or satisfy my every need. And he doesn't have to. God has that handled. These are things I knew before reading the book but I so needed to be reminded of them. Even just in the past few days. God is teaching me a lot about grace and forgiveness. I am praying that He will continually teach me how to show the same mercy and grace to Tyler that Christ has shown and is showing to me.
Recently God has been bringing this well known passage to mind. 1 Corinthians 13
Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.
Love. Real Love. Biblical Love. The Love that Jesus shows. It doesn't look like fairytales or happily ever afters. It looks like 1 Corinthians 13. I'm having to change my definition of love to look like this and change the way I love to reflect what Jesus taught. It isn't easy. I read these verses and replace the word Love with my own name. I pray. I pray that God will give me strength to love Tyler like this. through the good, the bad, and the ugly. I know that I can't do this on my own. I need a Savior.
I am so thankful for a God who is teaching me about the gift of marriage and his definition of love. What it is. What it isn't. Reality.
Thank you Jesus for giving me Tyler. Thank you for writing our story. Help me to live out love the way you defined it. Make me holy.
