in this moment.

I love to plan ahead. I always want to know what the next step is. But I am following a God who very often only reveals His plans to me moment by moment. I am reading a book, One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp right now that is teaching me to be thankful in the moment by moment revelation. The entire book seems to revolve around 1 Thessalonians 5:18

In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.

Just today I have read several quotes in the book that jumped out and convicted me in my ungratefulness.

• "Every moment I live, I live bowed to something. And if I don't see God, I'll bow down before something else."
• "You would be very ashamed if you knew what the experiences you call setbacks, upheavals, pointless disturbances, and tedious annoyances really are. You would realize that your complaints about them are nothing more nor less than blasphemies -- though that never occurs to you. Nothing happens to you except by the will of God, and yet [God's] beloved children curse it because they do not know it for what it is." - Caussade
• "Feelings work faster than thoughts. The only way to fight a feeling is with a feeling."
• "The Lord has to break us down at the strongest part of our self-life before He can have His own way of blessing with us." - McConkey
• "But wells don't come without first begging to see the wells; wells don't come without first splitting open hard earth, cracking back the lids. There's no seeing God face-to-face without first the ripping."
•   "But the secret to joy is to keep seeking God where we doubt He is."

forget me not.

I often feel forgettable and forgotten. I am not the most outgoing person and am often the quieter one in groups of people. So more often than not people forget who I am. Or sometimes I go awhile without hearing from or seeing friends (I realize it works both ways) and I feel forgotten. I struggle with this more than I want to admit. Moving around growing up didn't exactly help my feelings of being forgotten and forgettable. 

Today I was reading One Thousand Gifts and the author wrote about this Scripture:

And the very hairs on your head are all numbered. So don't be afraid; you are more valuable to God than a whole flock of sparrows. - Luke 12:7

I kept reading and then did some other things but as I was walking through my neighborhood a few hours later the verse came back to mind and I began to dwell on. To let in really soak in. 

The God that created the whole universe, the God who made every man, woman, boy and girl that lives today, that lived years ago, and that will live in years to come, the God who made everything in all creation...that God knows my name, He knows my heart, and He cares so much about me that He has even taken the time to count every hair on my head. That is so amazing to me. It is even more amazing that He has done the same thing for every person that ever has and ever will live. 

God cares and does not forget about His beloved creation. 

When He saw them.

³⁵ Jesus went through all the towns and villages, teaching in their synagogues, proclaiming the good news of the kingdom and healing every disease and sickness. ³⁶ When he saw the crowds, he had compassion on them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd. ³⁷ Then he said to his disciples, “The harvest is plentiful but the workers are few. ³⁸ Ask the Lord of the harvest, therefore, to send out workers into his harvest field.” - Matthew 9

 When Jesus saw lost people He saw the real condition of their heart. He had compassion for them. He knew that they needed a Savior and He gave them one. 

When I see people who are lost and have lives filled with sin most of the time I don't have much compassion for them. It's usually more of an eye roll and thoughts of judgement. Just being honest.  

But I want to see like Jesus. I want to look past the sin and differences and get to the heart of the matter: people need the Lord. I have Jesus in my life and I need to be willing to share Him with others who so desperately need Him instead of judging their sin that is equal to mine. 

Father, make me more like Your Son!

seeing God for who He is.

The Lord is a jealous God, filled with vengeance and rage. He takes revenge on all who oppose him and continues to rage against his enemies! The Lord is slow to get angry, but his power is great, and he never lets the guilty go unpunished. He displays his power in the whirlwind and the storm. The billowing clouds are the dust beneath his feet. At his command the oceans dry up, and the rivers disappear. The lush pastures of Bashan and Carmel fade, and the green forests of Lebanon wither. In his presence the mountains quake, and the hills melt away; the earth trembles, and its people are destroyed. Who can stand before his fierce anger? Who can survive burning fury? His rage blazes forth like fire, and the mountains crumble to dust in His presence. The Lord is good, a strong refuge when trouble comes. He is close to those who trust in him. But he will sweep away his enemies in an overwhelming flood. He will pursue his foes into the darkness of night. - Nahum 1:2-8

A few months ago I attended a Secret Church simulcast at my church. For the first time that I can ever remember in my 20 years of going to church I heard that God hates sinners. I have never been a regular attender of a "feel-good" kind of church. But even in the churches I have gone to and the way I have been taught and the way I have studied the Bible I have created my own version of God. The Bible says the I am created in the image God not the other way around. It is not up to me to determine who God is. 

In the verses above we see a jealous, vengeful God then at the end we see that God is good and a comfort to his people. How can he be both? Because he is God. I have dumbed God down to fit into something that I can understand and into who I want him to be. I have made him into a sweet and innocent being that will forgive all my sins and love me just the way that I am. I have bought into a lie about who God is. A lie that is comfortable and that sounds good. 

Since January, I have been reading through the Bible. I have never read all the way through. I started in Genesis and am going book by book. Throughout the Old Testament I have begun to see these characteristics of an angry God. A God who cannot stand sin. A God who brings severe punishment on his people when they disobey him. Before this year I had heard many of these stories but I had never made the connection that God hates my sin in the same way that he hated the sins of the people in the Old Testament. God takes sin very seriously and so should I. 

I pray that I will stop creating my own version of God and that I will seek Him and worship Him for who He truly is.