perspective.

The name of the campus ministry I go to is perspective. It is so fitting because every time I go I feel like God puts things back into His perspective for me. I honestly can't remember the last time I went. It has been what seems like forever. Tonight I went and God did what He always does. He gave me His eyes for just one second.

For our worship set we sang Psalms. If I had to pick a favorite book of the Bible that would have to be it! I am reading through it right now in my quiet times. One of the songs we sang was based on Psalm 19:14

May the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart be pleasing to You, Oh Lord, my rock and my redeemer.

The "meditations of my heart" jumped out at me. Probably because I struggle with having selfishness in my heart. The things I meditate on are all about me. I wonder how to make people like me more. I dream of a future husband or a present boyfriend. I hope for life after college in the "real world". I think of what the summer will bring for me. God has much better things in mind for my heart to meditate on. Things like how to love Him more, how to serve and love His people, how to share the Gospel. I have some changing to do. I'm thankful that salvation isn't just a one time thing and then you're done but that I am getting to work it out. (Philippians 2:12)

Another song we sang was "How Great is Our God". I have sung that song so many times and to be honest I kind of hoped we would sing something different. But even though it was the millionth, billionth time for me to sing it God had something new to show me this time. I have a heart time trusting that God knows what He is doing and that His timing is perfect. That is why the meditations of my heart aren't so pleasing to him and focused so much on me and my happiness NOW. But as I sang this very familiar song the words and time is in Your hands. Beginning and the End. God not only has good timing, He holds all of it in his hands. the beginning, the end, and everything in between. 

The lost song we sang was just a chorus of His love endures forever. We sang it over and over until that truth began to sink into my heart. God's love is perfect and unconditional and everlasting. It will always be enough.

I needed tonight. God knew it. He put me where I needed to be to hear His voice. I'm thankful that He doesn't give up on me. I needed the conviction and comfort from Him tonight. 

My cup overflows.

He's still working on me.

Sunday night my family went to Owensville for a ministry ordination service. The man being ordained was over 50. He felt God leading him to preach and he was obedient. That blows my mind. I feel like younger people are the only ones who go into ministry. It's not very often that you see someone older surrendering their life to preach the Gospel. I really admire this man for being obedient and not questioning God's timing. As we were sitting in the service this verse came to mind:

And I am certain that God, who began a good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns. - Philippians 1:6

I love that. Whether we are 5, 55, or 105, God still has plans and a purpose for us. He won't be finished until Jesus comes back. Our church started a series on Ecclesiastes Sunday morning called Don't Waste Your Life. I don't want to be sitting around thinking that I have done enough already, hoping that God will use someone else. I want to be mindful of the plans he has for my life to bring Him glory! 

When I was little I used to sing a song that said...

 
He's still working on me to make me what I ought to be.
It took Him just a week to make the moon and stars,
The sun and the earth and Jupiter and Mars.
How loving and patient He must be, He's still working on me.

There really ought to be a sign upon the heart,
Don't judge her yet, there's an unfinished part.
But I'll be perfect just according to His plan
Fashioned by the Master's loving hands.

In the mirror of His Word reflections that I see
Make me wonder why He never gave up on me.
He loves me as I am and helps me when I pray
Remember He's the Potter, I'm the clay.

Thank you Jesus for using people of all ages to advance Your kingdom. Thank you for your patience and your purpose that you provide us. Thank you for not giving up on us!

alive and powerful.

For the word of God is alive and powerful. It is sharper than the sharpest two-edged sword, cutting between soul and spirit, between joint and marrow. It exposes our innermost thoughts and desires. - Hebrews 4:12

Thursday was rough for me. It was just one of those blah kind of days where you go to bed feeling beat up by the Enemy. I felt really defeated. I have been trying to eat healthier and Thursday I threw that out the window. I didn't feel alive and spirited and free and happy. I felt lifeless and dull and just plain down. I went to bed praying for new mercies but not fully believing that God would provide those when I woke up. 

Friday morning I opened my Bible to my reading for the day. It was in Psalm 30:1-3...

I will exalt you, Lord, for you RESCUED me. You refused to let my enemies triumph over me. O Lord my God, I cried to you for help, and you restored my HEALTH. You brought me up from the grave, O Lord. You kept me from falling into the pit of death.

How amazing is that? I was feeling defeated at night. In the morning I am told that my Father has rescued me; that he REFUSED to let my enemies triumph over me. I felt gross and unhealthy at night after making poor food choices. In the morning my God restored my health. I felt lifeless and dull at night. In the morning I am reminded that the Lord has brought me out of the grave and kept me from the pit of death.

I am so glad that the Bible is not just a good book. That it doesn't just tell stories of old. That it isn't just a book of laws and regulations for the religious to follow. It is THE LIVING AND ACTIVE WORD OF GOD and it applies to my life today just as much as it did to the lives of people 2,000 years ago.  

Leaving 99.

my church has gone through some changes recently. our youth minister resigned and we are in a period of transition. for the last year and a half I have been helping with youth on Wednesday nights and whenever else I was needed. I love being used in that ministry. Since our youth minister is gone I don't really feel needed anymore. We don't have small groups and so I feel like I'm just there but I don't belong. 

Last week I was really considering just not going on Wednesday nights anymore. But I had to go last week so I could pick up a girl that comes sometimes. She is really sweet and I always pick her up when she wants to come. Sometimes she will bring a friend but other times it is just the two of us. She doesn't go to school with the kids in our youth group and she is kind of shy so I try to sit with her and make her feel welcome. I know what it's like to feel left out of the youth group and I don't want other people to have to experience that. 

As I was taking her home, we had some really good conversations. We got to talk about the drama of high school and band and boys and friendships and Winter Jam. After I dropped her off I had a God moment. I felt like He was saying She needs you. She needs you to be her friend, to show her Jesus, to let her know she is valued, to give her a safe place. She matters to Me and she is why you need to be at Crosspoint on Wednesdays.

God reminded me of the parable of the lost sheep. The shepherd left 99 to find 1. EVERY person matters to the Father! I may not get to have as big of an influence as I once did. My role may not matter as much anymore and I may not be needed by the youth workers but I am needed by my Father to go after the one who matters to Him! 

Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. - Galatians 6:9

I can be your hero, Baby.

As a little girl I grew up watching Disney Princesses find their happy ever after which usually included a prince. Life was complete and full and perfect when the man entered the picture. A girl could go from scrubbing floors to wearing glass slippers. I was instilled with a hope that a man could fix us and transform us from ugly, imperfection to the prettiest most perfect princess. Yet this is a false hope. Jesus says he has come to give us that rich and satisfying life. (John 10:10) Not a prince charming, but JESUS.

As I grow older I watch romantic movies, listen to love songs, and read Nicholas Sparks books. My belief that a prince can save me is strengthened. I long for the day when he will come in on his white horse in his shining armor and we will ride off into the sunset of perfection. But this is another false hope that I have been clinging to according to Psalm 146:3 which says, “Don’t put your trust in princes, in mortal men, who CANNOT save you.”

I read a lot of blogs and books about being single and about marriage. God is continually teaching me that He is the lover of my soul, the only one who can fully satisfy me. I can search this whole earth looking for a prince that will save me and I will come up empty handed and utterly disappointed because such a man does not exist. I am so thankful that God is teaching me these things now while I am single.

A few years ago I thought I would be married by now or really close to it but God knew better. I am so glad He has kept me single so that I could learn more about Him and more about the purpose of marriage. I still have a lot to learn. But I know that a husband won’t complete me, only Jesus can do that. With my new knowledge I won’t try to put the pressure on another human to be perfect and to complete my life. I think my husband will thank me for that one day.

All I'll Ever Need

Need.

I constantly find myself needing certain things. 
I need peace.
I need motivation.
I need more time.
I need sleep.
I need more clothes (even though I already have two closets that are full.)
I need more money.
I need to have more friends.
I need to know God's plan for my future.
I need to lose weight.
I need to be smarter.
I need community.
I need to be more organized.
I need to be better.

While some of these are legitimate needs and are being worked on or being met. I don't really need them. I heard a song today that was such a beautiful reminder of all I will ever need and that is the blood of Jesus

Thank you Jesus for meeting my needs but even more so for being ALL I will ever need. Thank you for reminding me today!

All You'll Ever Need - Andrew Peterson
The blood of Jesus, it is like the widow’s oil: it’s enough to pay the price to set you free. 
It can fill up every jar and every heart that ever beat. 
When it’s all you have it’s all you’ll ever need. 
The blood of Jesus, it is like the leper’s river running humble with a power you cannot see. 
Seven times go under, let the water wash you clean. 
Only go down to the Jordan and believe. 
Only go down in the Jordan and believe. 
And I need it, I need it. 
The closer that I grow, the more I come to know how much I need it.
The blood of Jesus it is like Elijah’s fire, falling on the altar of your faith. 
All the wisdom of the world could never conjure up a spark, but no power of Hell could ever quench this flame. 
No power of Hell could ever touch this flame. 
And I need it, I need it. 
The closer that I grow, the more I come to know how much I need the blood of Jesus.
The blood of Jesus, it is like the widow’s oil: when it’s all you have it’s all you’ll ever need.
It is all you’ll ever need.