memories.

I'm trying to read through the Bible this year but I decided to do it in 90 days...I'm already a couple days behind so it may take a little longer. I was kind of dreading the Old Testament but so far God has pointed out stuff that I missed before. So my eyes have been opened rather than closed from boredom as I feared. (How horrible to be bored by the Word of God) Anyways, last night I started in Deuteronomy. My Bible kind of recaps what each book is about and it said Deuteronomy is all about memories. I love memories! I have about 10 journals and three memory boxes. My room is full of pictures. So I got excited about reading this book. It reminds the Israelites of what God brought them through in Egypt. It paints a picture of His faithfulness.

But I said to you, 'Don't be shocked or afraid of them! The Lord your God is going ahead of you. He will fight for you, just as you saw Him do in Egypt. And you saw how the Lord your God cared for you all along the way as you traveled through the wilderness, just as a father cares for his child. Now He has brought you to this place.' But even after all he did, you refused to trust the Lord your God, who goes before you looking for the best places to camp, guiding you with a pillar of fire by night and a pillar of cloud by day. -Deuteronomy 2:29-33

When I look back on my life through memories or pages of my journals I see God's faithfulness. In seasons when I thought my life would be over and God came through. On my very worst days when God was there to carry me through. In the really good times that He allowed me to walk in. God has been all over my life. Why do I think the future will be any different? Why do I doubt His faithfulness when I have so many examples in my own life to look back on? I can relate to the Israelites but I wish I couldn't. There is a song that says, "He was faithful before, He'll be faithful again." It gets stuck in my head a lot...I think God puts it there. 

Wherever God leads me, I shouldn't be surprised or afraid or nervous. He has already been there. He is going ahead of me and is fighting on my behalf. He has done it before and He will do it for the rest of my life. He has cared for me through all my seasons in the wilderness and He will continue to care in more joyful seasons. 

"But even after all he did, you refused to trust the Lord your God"...that hits hard. Even after all He has done in my life. Even after I have seen so much blessing and joy from Him. I find myself not trusting Him. I think I have to handle things on my own or worry until I see results I want. I want to look back on His faithfulness and know that I look forward to His faithfulness as well. I want to trust not just because of the past but because He is God and that is enough.